Ok let me fill you in peeps.. my Mr. Man is on a bean kick.. Supposedly some health value for the heart or fat.. I dunnoo. But he is killing me with the bean stench! Ok, its not like you think. He sawears he don't fanny burp and all our 8 years together I only caught him like 4 times sneaking a lower growl and a few major rrrrips. Today before we ventured out running errands and eventually going to my daughters house to see the g-babies.. he decided to soak some beans. NOT JUST ANY BEANS.. but.. but... but... FAVA BEANS!! I am like.. are you kidding?? When did you buy that dirt?? He wanted to soak them over a low flame all the while we are going to be out of the house for hours. I told him.. that is dangerous with a fire under a pot.. um..use the crock pot. Okay.. now he had to cut up some onions and dice some garlic. HOLY CHIT YOU GONNA MAKE IT WORSE!! Who eats dis chit!!! So he takes my advise but takes too long to prepare and I am getting antsy. FINALLY we leave the house and I must say.. I LOOK GOOD!!! Dats right I did.
We go here and there.. see some kids.. come home 5 hours later. I open the door.. HOLY CHIT!!! THE HOUSE SMELLS LIKE I TOOK HOME THE G-BABYS LOADED DIAPERS AND PUT THEM IN THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!! ALL 20 OF THEM!!!! Omg.. I walk in and want to pass out from the noxious fumes. This is not worth him living longer and lowering his cholesterol. I have to check his life insurance policy.. brb.. ok back. We are good. I made him throw it all out. NO MORE FRIGGIN GROSS BEANS!!
Okay one story of him wrrrriipppingggg that will go down in the books:
This one time.. (at band camp) I crawled into bed so friggin late. I did not want him to know how late I stayed up on the puter. I slowly crawled over his longs legs trying to get to my side of the bed. I felt like Catherine Zeta Jones in that Movie Entrapment with Sean Connery.. Okay you guys know that movie.. when she had to maneuver in a tight body suit around laser beams to steal the jewels? Oh lord have mercy.. go google it. Anyway.. where was I.. right.. I was Catherine Zeta Jones climbing into my bed trying not to wake the man up. I finally found myself on my side of the bed.. phew.. that was a work out. Now I have to get the blankets from below and carefully cover myself.. phew that worked. I carefully turn over.. start to pull the covers over my head cause the sun is peaking through the curtains.. and Lo and Behold. WWWWRRRRRRIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!! OMG!!! Did he just do that? As I had a look of shock on my face.. I carefully turned my head with the blankets over my nose to look at the man in his sleep while air is blasting the paint off the walls. I can imagine the look on my face was incredulous. As I turned my head.. the Mr Man's head started to turn as well with his face all crunched with sharp eyebrows.. (thinking.. holy chit.. I hope she is asleep.. it had to be bad if my butt flapping experience woke me up out of a dead sleep.) Slowly.. he turned.. step.. by step.. inch by inch.. HOLY CHIT WE MADE EYE CONTACT!!!!! Holy Chit I was trying to pretend I just went to bed and now I was found out.. He is thinking.. Holy Chit that blast from the past woke ME up and I think I woke her up too!!!
LMFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo Just the look on his face was priceless and I think I laughed for a solid 30 minutes which he eventually partook. I can't say we ended this union with a "Happy Ending" but none the less we both a good nights sleep afterwards.
I would maybe try the stinky arse beans if they were served with a slice of my sister Maura's (Mona) liva with a nice glass of Chianti... siv siv siv siv (real fast)
I'm just saying...
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