Saturday, February 28, 2009

Elephant Sanctuary - Elephant Chooses Dog As Life Partner

Okay, before you press play, get out your hankies because this lil tidbit below has the biggest AWE EFFECT possible.

This video has a bigger message. If a huge elephant and a wee dog can learn to love and apreciate each other in life,

Why cant we all learn to get along???

I'm just saying...



Porn in the USA: Conservatives Are Biggest Consumers





OK I am just laughing me arse off just by the caption alone. You know those right mongers who are anti choice but want to own as many guns as they can afford, additionally support torture and the death penalty? Yeah those guys, who combine all those values coupled with Christianity?

Well those same guys are now the proud majority of purchasing PORN!!! in the US!!

The biggest consumer, Utah, averaged 5.47 adult content subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users. This report is pretty revealing. Ga ahead and ch ch check it out.

I'm just saying...

Teenage Girl Attacked In Jail Cell

LETS CUT HIS NUCKING FUTZ OFF!!!!

OK peeps, I don't usually post serious stuff here or use non disguised bad language, but this one just pisses me off!

"In the video, a deputy kicks the girl, pushing her back toward the wall. The deputy then strongly backs the girl against the wall, and slams her to the floor by grabbing her hair. A second deputy enters the holding cell, while the first deputy holds the girl face down to the floor. The first deputy appears to hit the girl with his hands. The girl is then lifted up and led out of the cell while the first deputy holds her hair."

The girl is 15 years old peeps! This is A total outrage and I call for the girl down a few posts who squeezed her boy friends testicles to a lovely shade of blue to visit this poor excuse of a man while he is stripped nude and shackled to the wall to perform her magic on him for like... umm.. 4 HOURS!!!!

You can read more about it here...




This is police brutality at its best. It wouldn't be any less disgusting if this was a teenage boy instead of a girl. The turd actually pleaded not guilty and said that 80 pound girl tried to assault him with her shoe.

I'm just saying....

What The Buck Show

Mr Buck has an amazing perspective on the Oscars and its all LOL.



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I'm just saying...

Friday, February 27, 2009

Nucking Futz!!!



What kind of schitz is this????? I had no clue that my Princess Obama Baby Mama was in distress!!! I guess all the fabulous appearances of our lovely lady in all the glamour and glitz is a vice for denial.. How did the vetting of President Obama get past this??? How is it that the Ragazine got he scoop on this and not the right mongers????

Supposedly, our prince valiant has a gay and drug obsession and our poor first lady is in MAJA distress over the news. Hearing that your faithful, intelligent and the head of all families in the country has a secret life is always shocking and holy chit news to all!!!

I would imagine that the picture on the magazine cover with Obama's shirt off gave a HUGE CLUE!!! Anyone male who would stroll the beach topless is certainly suspect because he looks to normal..

Well if he was gay.. I am sure he would ban prop 8 and that's not bad. If he was a druggie.. he would allow the poor peeps in serious medical conditions to toke the bong to allow the ugly chemo symptoms to go away..

Either or.. GAY's AND A POT HEAD's ARE GOOD FOR OUR SOCIETY!!

I'm just saying...

The Lovely Face of a Ball Crusher



Isn't that face sweet and innocent? Well folks, don't judge a book by its cover. This cute lass has been arrested for.. wait.. here it comes..

"squeezing the chit out of her man's testicacles"


I kid you not. This gal was an off and on girlfriend of the most deserving boy and when he tried to break it off with her for the 20th time, she decided to make it hurt. I am not sure what he did to provoke her, but I am sure she is justified. Just because she came to his home in the wee hours and was screaming and yelling and maybe would wake the neighbors IS NO REASON TO JAIL THE LOVELY WOMAN!!!!

Yep, she did the ol' come hither honey.. let me ... uh.. GRAB UR NUTZ AND MAKE YOU SCREAM!!!!!!

I say we just get together and create a fund to free this woman then give her a medal. OH WAIT!!! I got the best medal eva!! As previously posted in another thread on a different subject.. THE TRUCK NUTZ MEDAL!!

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Here is the actual police report which describes the horrific but yet hysterical ordeal. My best part is when asked the dude how it felt.. he said.. "Yeah, it hurt alot" MAN UP DUDE!!!

I'm just saying...

Mug Shot Hall Of Fame - Holy Valentine Head!!


Ok Peeps, I thought I saw everything. Consider this a belated valentines gift for all my friends because I just heart you. <3

This a hunka hunka lova boy who presents his love for all of us each day and night. You can't help but look at this work of art and feel the love!!! His beard totally lends to the complete look and I am overwhelmed with a warm fuzzy feeling. Oh crap.. thats me peeing myself from laughing so hard.

I'm just saying...

Friday Night Song - Erykah Badu "Tyrone"


Tyrone
Uploaded by esoterian


Peeps.. you may have seen this a few times, but it don't ever get old. Erykah is the baddest chick to ever sing about a losa of a man. Wait.. did she date my ex-husband??

and you can't use my phone....


I'm just saying...

The Teenager Deterrent - I GOTTA GIT ME ONE!



What will they think of next? This site here.. has a sound that can usually be heard by teenagers primarily. The more you hear it, the more it is supposed to annoy you. So someone had the bright idea that if only kids can hear it.. not us old peeps, then maybe we should broadcast this noise in like say.. MALLS!!! Outside the 7-Eleven!!

Well I am trying to get a loan to install the device in my home. I am thinking the kids will flee the nest and give me more room for gym equipment and guest rooms.

The only downfall is.. I CAN HEAR THE FRIGGIN NOISE!!! What a crock

I'm just saying...

Smell My Finger!!

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Mexican Gas Chamber

This picture needs no dialogue. Smell is a torture zone and peeps if you hung out with my grand babies and changed their diapers.. this would be so relevant. I AM IN HELL!!!

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Funny Jokes Of The Day

The Why ' s of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX
(because they are plugged into a genius)
------------------------------------ ----------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don ' t have enough time)
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don ' t stop to ask directions)
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
----------------------------------

(You ' re laughing, aren ' t you?!?!)


----------------------------------
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won ' t hump women ' s legs at cocktails parties)
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7 . HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don ' t know.....it never happened)
-----------------------------------------------

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

-----------------------------------------------
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can ' t mow the lawn)
-----------------------------------------------
Remember, if you haven ' t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
-----------------------------------------------
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine? '
'It depends, ' I replied. ' What does it say on your shirt? '
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .. '
And they say blondes are dumb...
---------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, ' I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. '
The woman replies, ' I ' ll miss you... '
-----------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today, ' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, ' honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this? '
'Probably that I married you for your money, ' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
------- ---------------------------------------
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder ' Instruction Manual. '
----------------------------------------------

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Grandchildren Are For Visiting.. Only.. I GOT GIPPED!!

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Holy babysitting folks. I got totally punked when my daughter asked me to watch the kids overnight since she had an early morning court hearing. I thought I maaaaaybe could help out and told her to come get the kids A.S.A.P. and no lolly gagging after the hearing. Okay.. you may be curious about the hearing. She had to go to court since her wee mini daschund had attacked a neighbors pet Duck. She was being sued for like $120,645.92. Okay I exaggerate but OMG!!

Ok back to the real story. I call her the next morning to see how court is going and SHE DIDN'T GO!!! She is sick as a dog (or a duck) and can't even get out of bed and her husband went by himself to defend the family honor and bank account.

Ok, now its like 3 DAYS LATER and the kids are still shmearing buggers on my couch! I have mashed bananas and granola in my carpets and crayon on the walls!!! The whole last three days were trying to find the friggin pacifiers to silence the riff raff and keeping peace between the two most competitive babies I have ever seen!! I swear!! If poor wee Lorelai found a lint in the carpet.. BILLY WANTED IT!!!

They both don't sleep at the same time (Lorelai up all night last night) and I am even too exhausted to drink!!! Yes peeps!! you heard it hear first.. I am actually too tired to drink!!!!! Did I tell you the ages - Billy 2 1/2 Lorelai 1 1/2. Yes peeps I have dirty diaper stink on my furniture and hands and when ever I smell a hiney wipe, I only smell poop!!!!!
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I haven't showered in days and my face is a salt lick from running around the house to catch a perp in motion.

CALGON!!!!!!!!!!!! I did my time raising the 4 of my own and when do I get taken away ?????????????????? I had used all the cough medacine and nyquil to knock them out and had to resort to the whiskey. Kept dipping the binkies in ova and ova till I saw results..

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Ok, good news.. the baby daddy just came and got the rug rats.. I can start to update the blog and catch up on my shows and maybe.. just maybe rinse the stink off me... YIPPEEE!!!!!!

Ok, the bad news.. I just received notice that tomorrow morning, the electric company is working on a local transformer and I will not have electricity all morning and afternoon. NO TV!!! NO PUTER!!! NO BLOGGING!!!!..

Holy crap.. guess what.. I have to go my daughters to weather out the storm!!!!!!!!!! MORE OF THE SAME BABIES!!!!!!!!

LORD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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P.S. I would like to thank the following people who helped me get bye...

Mibi - for her best wishes
NanC - for offering to help out and thinking.. that the best exhaustion is from grandbabies.. WAKE UP WOMAN!!!
Roga Dahlink - for alerting Joey that I am overwhelmed and need help
Joey - For bringing that pitcher of Martini's which I sucked up with a straw.

A video of Erica's rugrats, mostly Billy which does not make up for all the sleepless nights. BUT TOO CUTE!! Ok fair warning... tilt your head to the side cause my daughter just wants to mess with us. Additionally, did you see the size of this 2 year old??? He is in the largest size for baby diapers.. 7 I think and he fills them like a middle aged line backer who eats lots of carbs for the big game!! NO CHIT!!!!



Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mickey Rourke Accepts Spirit Award

HOLY CRAP!! Thank God I told him not to acknowledge me for the muffin baskets!!!

Micky.. is just.... Mickey.. Lawd Have Mercy of all his skills in accepting an award and thanking peeps. Take a gander and the King and all his verbal skills at the spirit awards. He took the house down with his candor and verbal repertoire. I give the man kudos to his what the fwuck attitude and just say it like it is..

A tidbit that is too much..





Ok one final thingy.. WTF is up with Philip Seymour Hoffman with that hat? He wore the same fugly hat at the Oscars and I am getting to think he don't give a chit!! No FUGLY HATS AT THE AWARDS SHOW!!

Ok I feel better...

I'm just saying..

Monday, February 23, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNIE!!!!

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One of my favorite bloggers Berndoubt's birfday is today and I just wanted to WISH HER A BIG FAT WISH.. or 2!

Ok I wish you......

Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death


You're another year older and another year wiser
So put your brain to work
And figure out there ain't no gift for you.


Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past, you can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.


Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.


Another year, another new place then aches.


To the nation's best kept secret; Your true age.


Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.


Better to be over the hill than burried under it.


You are only as old as you act, and girl.. you must be 14!!!!!!!!!


So many candles... so little cake.




Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened


Age is a number and yours is unlisted


Looking 44 is great - if you’re sixty four (with tassles)

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Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.


Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.


And My Favorite...

Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"

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Bernie Baby.. here is a Bloody mary for you my dear!! Have fun!!

Sally Fields "You Like Me!! You Really Do Like Me!"




Ok this would be my acceptance speech at the Blog Awards for the deranged and cornfused. I wish they had a category for me.. But if they did.. I would wear the most ostentatious gown littered with glitter and stars.. cause.. cause.. I AM A STAR!!! GOD DARNIT!!! I AM A STAR!!! If the lord saw it fit to make sure that I am seen as the "gods gift" that I am.. this would be my acceptance speech...

Kathy Griffin Award Speech.. SUCK IT JESUS!

Okay Okay peeps.. I know I said the below post was the best eva.. BUT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT MY GIRL KATHY!!!!

What girl can receive an award and scream blasphemy at the same time!! YES ITS KATHY GRIFFIN!!!! Ok Ok, we all know we can't use terms of sacrilege.. but we certainly can excuse Kathy Griffin since she is.. um.. lets see.. Irish.. Catholic.. AND A RED HEAD!!!! She has all the byes in the world!!!!

Kathy's speech is legendary and ballsy.. My kinda gal..

I'm Just saying..

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto Oscar Speech




The Im Just Saying Award for the best Oscar speech goes to........ drum roll...............

MR ROBOTO!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes peeps, Kunio Kato who won for Short Film Animated and had the best speech eva!!!!

Okay, if you were not watching... he is Japanese. Has a funny accent and a HUGE sense of humor. Now when I was in San Diego recently, I was consulting for a Japanese company and we would go around saying.. Hi! Hi! (say it with a closed throat and very fast and forceful) and the other thing we would say is, Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto... it became infectious.

HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
So havy. Sank you berry much.
Sank you, my suppatas.
Sank you, all my stuff.
Sank you, my pencil. - I swear. thats what he said..
Sank you, Akadomy.
Sank you, anamashawn.
Sank you my company, Robot.
Domo arigato, Mista Roboto.
Sank you berry much.

TRANSLATED ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
So heavy.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, my supporters.
Thank you, all my staff.
Thank you, my producer. I am pretty sure that is what he meant
Thank you, Academy.
Thank you, animation.
Thank you my company, Robot.
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
Thank you very much.

I'm just saying...




Okay.. for you bone headed peeps who don't get the Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto reference, well first of all. Domo Arigato in Japanese means.. Thank you or Sank You. And the most important part is the song.. see below if you never listened to STYX before..



Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ross The Intern Meets Steve Irwin (For Berndoubt)

Heya Peeps!!! Its Oscar night and I wish I could present the following clip to the Academy for a potential award. I would say category...... FUNNIEST MAN WITH A screeching HIGH VOICE!!

Now the clip below is a pre fit Ross and one of his first segments on The Tonight Show and I can no longer find the better segments on youtube anymore. Their were so many I was gonna post but it looks like NBC got them pulled.

I guess Jay was too jealous of the Ross Mania and rabid fans.

I'm just saying...


Sunday Afternoon TV Viewing

Ok Peeps, this tidbit is dedicated to couch potatoes of a lazy Sunday Afternoon.



Inside Dish With Ross Mathews

Peeps, I gotta tell you, I am an UBER fan of Ross Matthews for years and am a bit hesitant with his move from The Tonight Show to The Insider. He also has moved his blog to a new location and that makes me nervous too. I HATE CHANGE!!!!


Ok below is his first tidbit with "The Insider" and for me the Jury is not out yet..





Saturday, February 21, 2009

Wife Swap Stephen "Douchebag" Fowler Is Bigger Than I thought!!!

Holy crap!!! I was looking for some news info in lieu of blog info on this Stephen "Douche bag" Fowler and initially found this news clip:



So I created the post and needed to come up with more dialogue.. did some more surfing and found this!! Huffpost is also talking about this douche bag and I felt like I struck gold!!! Too bad I don't have the ability to fling my virtual gold rock into this turds face! See below for link for what Huffpost has to say.. Um.. don't compare me to the writers there. They don't use words like: um.. douche bag and OMG..

Huffpost Link


Wife Swap Biggest A-Hole - Stephen Fowler

One my favorite guiltiest pleasures in TV is Wife Swap. Yeah yeah.. you can judge me all you want but who doesn't love to watch 2 families collide in culture, child rearing and morales!!!! ME!!!! or I wouldn't have the inspiration to write this post.

The setup:

International Family - Educated, world traveled, educated, hard pushing parent, educated, judgemental, educated got sticks up their ares.. and and.. did I say educated?

Midwestern Family - Paint Ball loving, fun loving, fast food loving.. letting out your waist line in your pants loving... and and.. not so educated.

This is a perfect setup for good TV and I quickly got my soda and popcorn.

Okay, I thought my favorite episode was the one with the French husband who cooks bread all day and was the most hysterical cat yet on the show..

NOWWWW.. I got one different.. The most ignorant UK dude I have ever seen and I have seen a few! Every now and then I encounter a Brit who thinks they are god's gift.. but this guy takes the cake. In the end.. this man has totally verbally abused this Midwestern housewife and managed to insult the entire population of the Midwest. The woman predicted that when the show airs.. he should be waiting for quite a few Midwesterners to come pummel his skinny green arse.

Well it appears that did happen and this man is now receiving many death threats and is being harassed relentlessly. He is the subject of almost every blog and has already 50,000 hits on Google search! Someone even established a web site dedicated to peeps just to bash the arse hole! There is a whole American movement to blacklist this guy from just about anything, oh and get this, his wife is a life coach!!!

HAH!!! KARMA IS A BITCH!!!!

Ok time to check out the highlights on the show, and if you click on this link for YouTube, you can check out the entire episode.


Holy Bird Hunting!!!

Holy crap peeps.. this tidbit has scientist crazy figuring out why or how this bird is hunting/fishing for wee fish like an expert fisherman! Check out this bird throw out his bait.. wait.. reposition the bait.. and then go in the for the kill.

Ok this is nothing short of me baiting my kids and trap scenario. That's right.. I throw a fricken bone.. wait for the bait... YES!!! they go for the bait and lo and behold!! The believe me that they are adopted and if they wish to keep living in my home.. they must scrub the floors, cook my meals and tell me how gorgeous I am.. by the hour.

Hey whats the use of kids of you can't use them and abuse them and get a free pedicure at the same time??? I do worry when they have the blade in the device that shaves my feet thou..

I'm just saying...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Unusual Things In This World

This video displays pictures of incredible sites and creatures around the world. Song is by Chris Daughtry "Its Not Over". Now.. for some reason, the blood sucking bed bugs look similar to my ex-husband and the chorus of the song keeps replaying in my head;


Thursday, February 19, 2009

Funny Things Kids Say..

Okay no explanation.. and I SWEAR these are not my grandchildren.. How I would only hope that they are old enough for me to manipulate them.. Watch out future.. I could be the next Youtube Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








I AM GONNA KICK UR ASS!!! per the little girl

Ok Lady and Germs.. this lil lady can KICK UR ARSE!!!

Dats right she got all the moves and words. I am pretty sure you have seen this before. but its a gift that keeps on giving..

The Fruit Cake Lady Strikes Again!!!

Lord I love that woman... she tells it like it is and takes no prisoners. Please don't ask her how to vote. I am not in the mood for the lecture..



TRUCK NUTZ PEEPS!!! Say that with a mouth full

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Holy crap peeps.. some peepers got issues with the TruckNutz!!.. Okay I been a TruckNutz supporter since foorreeva! I donate regularily and even attend the functions. But to get all wacked on the Nutz?? I am just cornfused.

Who in their right mind would be cornfused on these knutzs!! I love them.. I embrace them.. I can just kiss them to death!! (yikes I some stickly thingys on my chin)

Anywho.. watch this tidbits who are emrbroiled in banning the Knutz!!

I'm just saying..



Wednesday, February 18, 2009

MOMMMYYY!!!!! Come Wipe My Butt!!!

OMG.. While I was looking for the What What video below.. I came across this little tidbit and it reminded me of when I used to work from home managing projects. I thought I was so smart... Home office, saved money on babysitting since my 15 year son then was not yet in school and was potty training. Problem was, I had a bird, dog and toddler who made taking conference calls difficult.

Ok, I had this big conference call with my RVP and the client RVP and I had prepared all the documents, conference links, etc. I thought to myself.. ok.. the dog.. feed lots of food, water and put out tons of treats. The bird.. stock him with lots of dried food to snack on cause he was a Sun Conure and loud as heck to get my attention. Now the sweet pea boy.. ok I lined up the counter with PBJ, drink boxes and a variety of snacks. Ok I was ready for the call.

15 minutes in the call, I hear behind me in the bathroom.. MOMMMMYYYY!!! Come wipe my hiney!!! I was like oh crap.. and I just tried to cover the phone. (no mute in those days) Then I hear it again but louder.. MOMMMMYYY!!!! COME WIPE MY HINEY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying desperately to keep focused on the conversation since we were negotiating fees and I was scribing down the minutes. Then I hear it even louder then louder.. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY COME WIPE MY HIIIIIIIINEYYYYYYY!!! Then all the voices on the phone became silent when my RVP spoke up and said.. "Who is working from home?". I said ummm brb...

Lord have mercy!!!!!!!! I ran in the bathroom, cleaned up the boy and ran back to the phone and nearly passed out at the same time!!!

Moral of the story... Don't let your kids shit where you work.

I'm just saying....

What What In My Butt

Okay Peeps, as I described earlier.. (2 posts down). I have a new follower to my blog and I think he is my ex boyfriend and won't take NO for an answer. If you haven't taken a peek at his website yet, (first you must down a half gallon of vodka prior to viewing) you are missing out. Below is a little tidbit I found that I think is a perfect dedication to his web site. It would be better if I was singing the song but you can visualize:




Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Student Arrested For Classroom Texting

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HOLY TEXTING!!!!!! A 14 year old Wisconsin girl had been arrested IN HER MATH CLASS because she would not stop texting!! FER REAL!!!! She was actually booked on charges of Disorderly Conduct. 14 years old? FOR THE LOVE OF TEXTING PEEPS!!! That could of been my kid or yours????

What ever happened to detention? You remember detention right? Either a Saturday or weekday all day or after school punishment where you sat in a class with the kids who were the class clowns, the drunkies, pot heads and the sluts who got caught having sex in the stairwells. What ever happened to suspension???? You remember when you got suspended from school? It was like a week long snow day!!!!

Or.. Or .. what ever happened to just whacking the kids across the hand with a ruler!!!!

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Seriously folks.. we now call the cops on 14 year old girls? Are they that threatening now? Was she texting that sexy stuff?

IAH - I am horney
THFT - Too hot for teacher
CILBAH - Crap I left BOB at home
TBHAGP - That boy has a great package
And my favorite...
CMBWBFO - Chit my Ben Wa Balls fell out

I'm just saying.....

PPPPSSTTT!!! Enter If You Dare!!

OMG. I got a new follower on my blog here and was Soooooo excited, I knew I had to check them out! I didn't check out the profile and just went right to his site.

OMFG!!!!!!!! How did he find me??? I think this is one of my ex boyfriends and if you dare to click on his site.. you will know why we are no longer together! Ga Head I dare you!! (not for the faint of heart. Okay.. even a stronger warning.. It freaked even ME out! Its on the right under the area follow this blog. Its the one in the middle.

Take A PEEK!!!!


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Ok.. why did you listen to me? HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just saying..

What The Buck Show

Ok I am a little late in posting his latest rants and raves.. but PEEPS!!! I cant get enough of this dude!!! He says everything you are thinking and more! He is like a male.. um er.. male version of me with a camera.

Ch Ch Check him out below his latest entertainment news:




More on him and Octo Mom!! (I thought I posted this one, but forgot.. too many chicken nuggettini's


Is It Peanuts or PENIS?!?!?!?!

I don't care too much for peanuts since they are low on the food chain for nuts. I don't eat just any nut. I like the kind of nuts that make my hands sticky and are finger licken good.

Yep Honey Roasted nuts. (What the heck where you thinking?)

Below is a tidbit from a CNN news anchor who doesnt seem to know the difference between peanuts and penis. I am wondering what she had for breakfast..

I'm just saying...



This Is Why You're FAT!!!

Holy Gross!!! I have posted before regarding This Is Why You're Fat Website spreading the news of the most puss exploding looking food I have ever seen.

They have posted a new disgusting item that is one my most important food groups.. A MARTINI!!!!! Who does this to the blessed martini's??? I am sure some of you peeps may agree with me... Please chime in and save the MARTINI!!!




Now this martini does not have a blue cheese stuffed olive or for some other gross peeps.. you know who you are.. an anchovie stuffed olive swimming in the best vodka money can buy..

The most offensive thing about this puss exploding looking Martini is the Chicken McNuggets on the rim where the rim is laced with.. wait.. wait.. BBQ SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!.

WHO VIOLATES THE CODE OF MARTINI'S????

On annuda note.. do you peeps know what this chit is made from?? Ok guess.... ga head and try.. ok take a peek below...




Thats right peeps.. when you suck down the Chicky Nuggys.. you are really eating Pink Poo. NO CHIT!!!!

Ok.. the final "Pièce De Résistance" is the recipe for the pukey cocktail.. I know you peeps are either
A. wondering.. or
B. wanting to shake up that fatty arse cocktail..

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

Ok now meet the pukey woman who made up this remedy. I am sure these gals had one Martini too many and later puked their guts up due to not eating. I believe they wanted to create the ultimate alcoholic beverage where the benefits at the same time is protein, dairy, condiments, fat and pink poo.

Ok Now we all Puke..

I'm just saying...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Wario Land SHAKE IT!!!!!! (Wii)

Last week my 15 year old had some friends over and I found the 3 of them sitting on the steps with my 18 year old, with their cell phones in their hand shaking it violently infront of them low enough to get a good shaka shaka shaka. I stopped myself short and just glared at the boys with a whole lotta crazy chit in my mind that was not allowed to come to my tongue. It turns out they were playing this new game on their cell phone.. and the purpose and name of the game can be left up to your imagination. The winner is who finishes first. Needless to say I have confiscated all cell phones.. What happened to using the phone to make calls???
UPDATE: My 18 year old son just told me the cell phone game is I-Jack. Hmmmmmm I have a feeling most teen age boys are downloading this game. I better check my cell phone bill for porn charges..

Anywho.. below is a tidbit of Alec Baldwin playing a similar game with his sons using a Wii. Same concept.

Ch Ch Check it out.




Who needs visual aids any longer to bast off your rocket?????....

I'm just saying...

Teenagers Spend An Average of 31 Hours A Week Online

Teenagers spend an average of 31 hours a week online and nearly two hours a week looking at pornography, according to a study.

Akay Akay... The article above provides some interesting information on what our teens are doing with their time, but I think a study would be more interesting on how much time peeps like me spend her time. The facts would be astounding.

23 hours a day online
1 hour a day sleeping
15 minutes a day cleaning
5 minutes a day performing french bath
40 minutes a day rebooting my puter and cleaning out temp file

yep.. thats it.

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All I gotta say it.. KIDS YOUR LAME!! TRY AND KEEP UP WIT GRANDMA!!!!!

I'm just saying...

It Must Be Sun Stroke!!

Sitting on the beach all day can do crazy things to your brain!!! I wonder if it had to do anything with the contents in his beverage cooler? When I was a kid, my parents took us to the beach often in the summertime and we had always packed 2 beverage coolers. One contained Kool-Aid for me and my siblings.. and the other one contained um... I don't remember what it contained. Every time I asked my parents what it was.. they called it BUG JUICE! Now I didn't really think my parents were drinking juices of bugs, but I certainly did know that it was something I was not allowed to drink. Hhhhmmmmmm....

Anywho.. This following video demonstrates what happens when you drink BUG JUICE on the beach under the sun and then try to put your clothes on. I never knew putting on your clothes was so hard?? Oh Wait.. last night trying to find my pajamas took 20 minutes after a WHOLE LOTTA BUG JUICE!!!!!!

I'm just saying..


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Lil' Bill O'Reilly

I am dying here laughing me arse off... (lord I wish that was possible)

After finding The Lil' View, I also found Lil' Bill O'Reilly and its equally funny and yes it will also give you a headache just like the big turd.. Bill O'Reilly.

Watch these next clips and tell me if you see any difference from the child to the man.

I'm just saying...







The Lil' View

OMG!!! Funny or Die has this great lil' skit of The View, pint sized. No matter how you size it up.. its still funny.




HOLY CHIT MY MAN IS A ROCK STAR!!!!

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OMG.. I am trying to relax and git me buzz on and holy crapper!!! The man runs down the stairs to show me a picture he found on the internet. Now I am thinking.. holy chit.. this is Aileen's time and you have no business down here while I am blogging.. this is secret chit...

Anywho.. this man went to boarding school in Switzerland with alot of braniacs. Peeps who's pappy's found a whole lotta establishments. So who cares.. Now he had this one kid in his school.. A kid from a Jazz Man.. He put the kid in the school when he travelled in Europe. My man has told me stories.. but he did not tell me this. It turns out all these years he was on a cover of an album for this musician!!!! He is freaked out!!! How does he not remember the so called photo shoot! Anyway.. he was so cute as a bambino and I am getting naughty thoughts.

Ch Ch Chexk it out. He is the sweetie pie looking left.




Durex Condom Advertisement For The Perverted Peeps!!

Wooooohoooo.. A commercial that I can relate with.. Dats right peeps.. I sneek a cover over the rover to ensure the speed bumps wont wreck the living room. Lord I am not sure if that made sense.. Anywho.. I get the squeek squeek and the squeek.. and the omg.. I SQUEEK!!

Please keep your hands on the keyboard while you watch the video.. if not.. it will make the mouse sticky...

I'm just saying..

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Blast From The Past X 2

Oh Lord..

Again.. if you don't know who Phyllis Diller is, please close your browser now for it will self destruct and your hair will turn white and stand straight out fooorrrevvvaaaa.




This is a fun tidbit with Phyllis and Roseanne having lunch together and I truly believe Phyllis wants Roseanne to get out of the friggin kitchen!! Boy do I know that feeling... Ok that's another post for another day.. Anywho... both these woman are comedic geniuses and so amazing to see them together. You can see more of Roseanne at her website to get updated with all her political rants and crazy stuff.. but lord.. I still find this woman hysterical!!!!

Okay.. I have been told a thousand times that I am a younger version (omg.. do they know how old I am??) version of Roseanne. I torture my kids.. pull constant pranks on them where I try to convince them they are adopted, unwanted and funny looking. and they compete to make me laugh. I am so proud of my brood... They can take a lickin..





I miss both these woman and hate to see female comics put out to pasture.

I'm just saying...

Lately The View Is A Pew!!!!

Ok Ladies and Germs.. lets hope this week is a better week on The View. Lately it really stinks and I a struggling for commentary on Winnie's Web Site. To commemorate this past weeks stinky arse show's, I found this little tidbit that is more interesting than the past few weeks show. Now, please close your eyes when you see Rosie cause its not my intent to include her in the pee-uuu but its the only thing I got on a slow day..

Take a little time to enjoy the peeeeee-uuuuu

I'm just saying...



Is This Too Much Touching???

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Tru Tv has a reality show - "The Principals Office" and the two boys here got into trouble at a dance for "Dirty Dancing". Now I am not sure if it was dancing with each other or girls.. but these guys are hysterical and comfortable with their feminine side. Actually the more I look at these dudes.. cougar-ville doesn't seem so vile. To think I used to condemn these woman...

Ch Ch Check it out.







Saturday, February 14, 2009

HOLY TORPEDO PANTS!!!


Vapors.... Hot flashes... Seriously dirty thoughts...

Ok... I just have no words for this one.. Yes peeps.. I am finally speechless..

Please fill in the blank:

Size matter's because ______________________

Ok I am heading over to the pic to slice off the sides of the man-panties for the BIG reveal.... I don't slice and tell..

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I'm just saying...

Colooorrss.. Duuude..... HOLY DENTIST!

I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ONE OF GRANDSONS WHERE I GAVE HIM WHISKEY SOAKS ON HIS TOOFUS!!!

Phew.. thank god babysitting the g-babies was not on video where they would lock me up and shove the key up me arse for making my grandsons chug the whiskey and smoke the peace pipe.. A G-MA (grandma) gotta get a nap in sometime.. sheesh..

I KID!! I KID!!!!!!

This poor boy is traveling home from the dentist and I think he was administered some serious LSD in lieu of laughing gas. He has all the classic signs.

I hope he doesn't start to see Sponge Bob invade the school of The Wonder Pets and burn their Fly Boat!! Wait.. that would be cool..

Either this kid is doped up.. or is emulating his parents...

I'm just saying...

Octo Mom's Nose Is Grooooooowing...........



Ok first her stomach grew to the size of 50 watermelons.. NOW her nose is growing..

It has been reported that sources close to Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman said that her church was helping her locate a new home for her and her 14 babies. Octo Mom has recently commented she attends Calvary Chapel Golden Springs, which prompted several media ho's to follow up inquires concerning her attendance. Now, the church had this to say.. "We can say, however, that she is not personally known to our pastors or staff. And to the best of our knowledge, Ms. Suleman's only contact with us was a minor inquiry regarding our Children's Ministry."


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Hmmmmmmmmm.. some ones nose is growing.. and growing and growing.. Why would someone have to lie about their religious practice? Does that make you a better Octo-Mom?

I'm just saying....


P.S. The photo is from a fun blog called Pretty On The Outside.. ch ch check it out. This guy is an amazing artist. OH!! One more thing.. HE IS A BRAVO JUNKIE TOO!!!

Holy Chocolate-Covered Bacon?




WTF????? Chocolate Covered Bacon?? (wondering if this will cure a hangover...) What will they come up with next?????

The Florida State Fair
is sporting some interesting treats that will MAKE YOU FAT!!! I keep smacking my head against my screen to figure out how did they ever come up with that combo? wait.. wait... its coming to me now...

This dude discovered while he was making breakfast that he was super late cause of his jerk before work and decided to forgo the eggs and just grab the bacon and run to the bus stop.

This dudette overslept due to a session with BOB, many many times, and only had time to grab the chocolate syrup she spilled in a cup and ran to the bus stop.

Coming from different directions these two unlikely peeps had literally ran into each other and their items got bunched together..

The dude looks down and says HEY!!!!! Your chocolate is on my bacon!! Then dudette looked down and says HEY!!!!! Your bacon is in my chocolate!!! ..

Hence the chocolate covered bacon was born.

I'm just saying...

This Gives The Term "Milk'in It" New Meaning!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.. I am not so sure this "Toy" is such a good idea for the kiddies. First of all, I am sure that Octo-mom Nadya Suleman had this toy as a wee lass which had probaly put the idea in her head to be a milking cow herself and right then and there decided to have 14 babies!!! She did say that as a young child she always knew she wanted to have many babies.

Now on the other hand, I don't think this is a good idea for the wee lads either. Once these boys get their hands on the milking cow, they grow up and eventually find their way to the strips joints in order to rekindle their childhood memories.

Yep, I see no good coming out of this toy for anyone! Oh, and one more thing.. if its not real milk.. WHAT THE HECK IS IT? Please don't make me go there....

I'm just saying....






HAPPY VALENTINES DAY YOU SAPS!!!

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Happy Valentines Day you Turds!!! Okay Okay.. for you peeps who want the sappy sticky useless rhetoric that comes out of Valentines Day.. Here is more of the DIVINE Miss M!!! If you want some Huggin and a Squeezin and some Muggin and some Teasing.. well then this is the song for you desperate peeps. I myself like to get right down to business with out all the come hither stuff. I'm a business woman ya know....

I'm just saying...




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Movie of the Weak - Mawwage

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When I think of Valentines Day.. I get all soft and mushy inside. I think of my wedding day and how my father had a shot gun to my ex-turds back. Now my ex wasn't so upset when his ankle was cuffed to the front pew to keep him from fleeing.. but I think he was a really good sport about it. When the banjo's played the wedding march.. it brought a tear to my eye..

Mawwage folks... and dont tell me you don't know this one SANDY!!!!!

Here is a video that captured the unholy event. Oh crap I just realized that soft and mushy feeling was in my pants and not my heart..

I'm just saying...





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Friday, February 13, 2009

The Most Romantic Song Ever!!

Its almost time peeps to break out the black hearts and dead flowers!!! TIME TO SERENADE YOUR SIGNIFICANT UDDA (you know by now those uddas are hitting floor)!!! Here is a special romantic song to remind us of why you have choosen to have twin beds in your bedroom.



Hey.. I am just saying and not responsible for your sorry arse peep.

I'm just saying..

Pre Valentines Day Sweet Nuttins!

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For all you sappy romantic buttheads.. here is a lovely tidbit to remember prior to saying I DO!! It appears I have recognized a few of these scenarios.. Okay maybe more than a few but what a race to the finish!!! I think the finish should be death by nagging..

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I'm just saying...






Blast From The Past

Ok come on.. who doesn't remember getting the chills from watching "Revenge Of The Nerds" movie, with the scene of the talent show, then you first saw Poindexter's shadow with the electric violin play (the 80's sound music) then eventually seeing that bow fly up into the air???? You could see his spiked hair and glasses in the shadow.. You knew he was suddenly cool. It must of been a nerd directing and editing. Lord I want to sleep with Poindexter (shivers with goosebumps)

Now this was Bugger's big time to shine in his EEELLVIS garb. What a package.

You gotta love Lamar. The boy had the limp wrist that gave them an edge in the javelin throw and can do the moondance with swift hips!!!

Clap.. your hands every body... and every body clap your hands...

This is my motto in life.

Your getting a divorce from the hot mess?
Clap.. your hands every body..

Your just got fired from the butthole of a job?
Clap.. your hands every body..

You just loss 10 pounds from diarrhetics?
Clap.. your hands every body..

You drank ur arse off silly last night and found out your true love is butt ugly?
Clap.. your hands every body..

Peeps if you haven't seen this movie, then please.. go directly to butthead.com and register yourself for a beating with a wet noodle. Seriously.





I'M IN LOVE WITH A NERD PEEPS!!!!

I'm just saying...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

This Is Why You're FAT!!

BLECK!!!!







Yeah I said it!!!! YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE FAT!!!! You are stuffing that greasy, salty, fatty, pussy looking disgusting chit INTO YOUR PIEHOLES!!!! Now.. I must say.. the reason I am fat is due to big bones and an issue with my thyroid. I SWEAR!!!!! I do have a doctors note and an x-ray to prove it.. Please view the medical documents on my other website at : http://WWW.I81U812/mla

If you want to check out this site for the most disgusting food you most likely have eaten or upload your own disgusting food pics to contribute.. CLICK HER FATTIES!!!

Now if this makes you want to go on a diet or stick a finger down your throat, check out the next post that will ensure that you will only eat whole natural foods. Wait. I think it is a natural food.. wait. maybe this gross ass food is the better alternative..

Please comment here and tell us how many items you have actually eaten. Please don't be shy and be honest. We are all sitting on our arses tapping on the puter all day stuffin the pie hole. Well at least you are.

I'm just saying..


The Next "Real Thing" is Cow Piss!

Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.

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Oh Ma GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!! This is all kinds of wrong on all kinds of levels and I dont want to hear about any kind of nutritional value! I will just puke with it 5 inches from my lips!!! oh.. wait. We may be able to market this drink as a weight loss product for peeps who are unable to put their fingers down their own throat!!! That would be me!!!!!!!! If I see someone throwing up.. well it just sets off a chain reaction and I start wretching as well. Just writing this post is making me want to run to the bathroom and hurl! Uh oh.. brb.. ok back.. just lost 2 pounds.. the diet is working already and I didnt have to purchase anything.. All I have to do is come back here and reread this post if I ate to much and feel guilty.

Check out the article that made me puke

I'm just saying...

How To Become A Right Winged Female Parrot

My fellow Blogger Rainlille from "Great Minds Think Like Me" thought one of her 'Rain Made' video's would be perfect for I'm Just Saying since I like to bash The View Cohost Tart Elizabitch Hasselcrack. And yes.. SHE IS RIGHT!!!! I would like to take credit for it.. but I prefer to steal udda peeps chit.

Ch Ch Check out Rain's compilation of How To Become A Right Winged Female Parrot
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Holy OSBOURNES!!!!! (can you put those two words in the same caption?)



HOLY BATSHIT!!!!




The Osbournes are back at it again.. RELOADED!!!! Well at first I was a bit skeptical but of course had to check it out, and I think this is going to be good! This is the piss your pants stuff that I love!!

Ch ch Check out the video below for a preview and set your tivo's!








I dont expect this show to last a few seasons but I will take just one season of this funny butt stuff!

I'm just saying,,,

HOLY OCTO MOM!!!!

Is this for real? Did the Octo Mom create a website at this stage in the game with all the criticism and outrage, but puts up a website begging for money?!?!?!?!?!?! Already?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

There are two links for donations of money and items.






Clearly we should not turn our back on the children who did not choose to emerge into this world.. but I would not feel comfortable sending money to this woman who in my opinion is delusional!!!! I can not imagine her spending this money wisely due to her mothers latest statements! Please click here to see my fellow blogger Rain's website post for the interview.

As the story unravels, it gets more and more bizar by the minute. Who the heck in their right mind who has 6 kids already, unemployed, no partner, living in their parents small condo who had to claim bankruptcy, would plant more babies intentionally in their womb!!!!!
Ch Ch Check out the website here

I'm just saying...

KKatden - Kathy!! Come Rain or Come Shine Woman!!!

Peeps.. welcome one of my favorite peeps, KK as I call her. Her Name is Kathy and she is one of my favorite peeps in the world for that last, I think 5 years or so? KK tell me the time .. 'your older and have more insurance than me'. (okay for the youngins that was Fried Green Tomatoes. Lord I am tired of explaining meself.

KK and I have been great friends on the Internet and I sincerely call her one of my best friends. We actually talk on the phone from time to time. She takes care of her disabled husband with a loyalty than no other. She is like a Timex. She takes a licken and keeps on ticken.. That's my girl in a nutshell. I LOVE U KK

Ok Sweetie pie.. this is a another dedication to my sweet lady and her mr man who would appreciate the time and place.. TO YOU KK!!





KK is the woman is who I aspire to be.. She is strong.. Relentless.. and a dog after a bone. My kind of woman..

I'm just saying..

WHO EATS THIS CHIT?!?!?!?!

OMFG!!! MY HOUSE STINKS!!!!



Ok let me fill you in peeps.. my Mr. Man is on a bean kick.. Supposedly some health value for the heart or fat.. I dunnoo. But he is killing me with the bean stench! Ok, its not like you think. He sawears he don't fanny burp and all our 8 years together I only caught him like 4 times sneaking a lower growl and a few major rrrrips. Today before we ventured out running errands and eventually going to my daughters house to see the g-babies.. he decided to soak some beans. NOT JUST ANY BEANS.. but.. but... but... FAVA BEANS!! I am like.. are you kidding?? When did you buy that dirt?? He wanted to soak them over a low flame all the while we are going to be out of the house for hours. I told him.. that is dangerous with a fire under a pot.. um..use the crock pot. Okay.. now he had to cut up some onions and dice some garlic. HOLY CHIT YOU GONNA MAKE IT WORSE!! Who eats dis chit!!! So he takes my advise but takes too long to prepare and I am getting antsy. FINALLY we leave the house and I must say.. I LOOK GOOD!!! Dats right I did.


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We go here and there.. see some kids.. come home 5 hours later. I open the door.. HOLY CHIT!!! THE HOUSE SMELLS LIKE I TOOK HOME THE G-BABYS LOADED DIAPERS AND PUT THEM IN THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!! ALL 20 OF THEM!!!! Omg.. I walk in and want to pass out from the noxious fumes. This is not worth him living longer and lowering his cholesterol. I have to check his life insurance policy.. brb.. ok back. We are good. I made him throw it all out. NO MORE FRIGGIN GROSS BEANS!!

Okay one story of him wrrrriipppingggg that will go down in the books:

This one time.. (at band camp) I crawled into bed so friggin late. I did not want him to know how late I stayed up on the puter. I slowly crawled over his longs legs trying to get to my side of the bed. I felt like Catherine Zeta Jones in that Movie Entrapment with Sean Connery.. Okay you guys know that movie.. when she had to maneuver in a tight body suit around laser beams to steal the jewels? Oh lord have mercy.. go google it. Anyway.. where was I.. right.. I was Catherine Zeta Jones climbing into my bed trying not to wake the man up. I finally found myself on my side of the bed.. phew.. that was a work out. Now I have to get the blankets from below and carefully cover myself.. phew that worked. I carefully turn over.. start to pull the covers over my head cause the sun is peaking through the curtains.. and Lo and Behold. WWWWRRRRRRIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!! OMG!!! Did he just do that? As I had a look of shock on my face.. I carefully turned my head with the blankets over my nose to look at the man in his sleep while air is blasting the paint off the walls. I can imagine the look on my face was incredulous. As I turned my head.. the Mr Man's head started to turn as well with his face all crunched with sharp eyebrows.. (thinking.. holy chit.. I hope she is asleep.. it had to be bad if my butt flapping experience woke me up out of a dead sleep.) Slowly.. he turned.. step.. by step.. inch by inch.. HOLY CHIT WE MADE EYE CONTACT!!!!! Holy Chit I was trying to pretend I just went to bed and now I was found out.. He is thinking.. Holy Chit that blast from the past woke ME up and I think I woke her up too!!!

LMFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo Just the look on his face was priceless and I think I laughed for a solid 30 minutes which he eventually partook. I can't say we ended this union with a "Happy Ending" but none the less we both a good nights sleep afterwards.

I would maybe try the stinky arse beans if they were served with a slice of my sister Maura's (Mona) liva with a nice glass of Chianti... siv siv siv siv (real fast)

I'm just saying...
 
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