Thursday, March 8, 2012

Can A dog Play Piano and Sing Some Tunes Via Broadway Style?? YES PLEASE!!

This happens to me all the time with my dang animals. They are so animalistic of the music kind. My ears bleed and the neighbor dogs go hog wild.. and then we have this. A dog trying to get an audition for American Idol and I am now $5,000.00 knee deep in expenses for grooming and ball tucking.

The procedure to pin back this dogs ear's is worse than Heidi Montag can even complain about.

So now people, I have a dog to sell. He has talents and I will start the bidding at 1 billion dollars!!!


Friday, December 16, 2011

A Bear Waves Hello And I Am Now Convinced Bear's Do Not Shit In The Woods!

Well every time I have think I have seen it all, a hairy bear tells me different. If you told me a bear shits in the woods ONLY I would normally believe you but somehow I think now that Bears shits in toilets and wanted a bidet to get all fresh like the rest of us.

This bear waves so frantically at the passer byes and I want to have spa time with this bear. me thinks he is a friendly guy who comes with the slogan, I COME IN PEACE!!

You go Mr Bear. Unfortunately in Jersey, Its Bear hunting season and your not safe in these neck of the woods.. RUN FORREST RUN!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Real Life Weekend At Bernie’s Men Take Dead Friend For Night Out

Who hasn't thought about waving around a dead friend partying all night until he turns blue while we all get our drink on while toasting our friend? NOT ME!! Who does this shit? Unless I was on many hits of acid that I saw cola's all through the night and vision of me dancing with this stiff? Hope I didn't make out with this stiff. Less more?

It’s a real life re-enactment of the cult classic movie Weekend At Bernie’s!

Two Colorado men, Robert Young and Mark Rubinson, have been accused of dragging a dead friend out for a night on the town -- and charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation as a result.

Young, 43, claims he found pal Jeffrey Jarrett, a 43-year-old realtor, deceased in his Denver, Colorado house, then placed his corpse into an SUV, police said.

PHOTOS: Celebrity Mugshots

At that point, he and Rubinson, 25, painted the town red, using Jarrett’s credit card to pay their bar tabs, going to multiple bars and restaurants with their deceased pal still in the car, police said.

The fun loving friends rounded their night off by stopping by a gentleman's club, authorities said, where they spent $400 more of their dead chum’s money.

Finally, after their night of fun, the fellas notified authorities to alert them of Jarrett's death.

Officials said no cause of death has been determined yet.

"This is a bizarre and unfortunate crime," said Denver Police Department spokesman Sonny Jackson. "This isn't anything you want to have happen to a loved one. You want them treated with respect in death."

Amish Men.. Are Not So.. Amish?

Are you now getting a boner? Ain't they zexy? Well all you have to do and bail them out to have ... wait but there is more!! You can shave their faces, taunt them with boobie flashes and threaten to do the dirty deed.. Girls.. Its a full on fun in the sun before fall becomes us and taunt these bad boys into coming into the dark side!!

Oh. I forgot.. these dude are all ready on the dark side.. my bad..

What crimes have these hairy faces commited? Let me tell you peeps the crimes! It's awful and I am taking up a new sign! SAVE THE AMISH!!

So what terrible crime was committed? The eight men were busted for refusing to attach bright orange safety triangles on the back of their traditional horse drawn carriages.

They all belong to the ultraconservative Old Order Swartzentruber Amish sect in western Kentucky and said the bright orange reflector goes against their modesty codes and that they would rather be hauled behind bars than violate their beliefs.

The men appeared in court Monday and after they refused to pay court-imposed fines they were sentenced to between three and 10 days in jail.

The eight chose jail time over paying the fine because they felt that paying up would be “amount to complying with a law they believe violates their religious strictures against wearing bright colors or trusting in manmade symbols for their safety.”

“I don’t think it’s right to put somebody in jail for practicing their religious beliefs … but that’s what we’ll do if that’s what it takes to abide by the biblical laws,” Levi Zook told the Courier-Journal.

Zook ended up escaping serving any time in jail though, the Courier-Journal reported, because his friend paid the fine on his behalf so the father could get home to care for his son who has cerebal palsy.

Randy Haley, the Graves County jailer, told ABC News that all but one of the men had been released by Thursday morning. The last man will be released Sept. 21.

“They were very nice,” said Haley. “They did anything we asked them to do, we had no problems."


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Unlawfully Searched In Your Cavity Area? Well Check This OUT!!

I want to know when it ok to woman up your private parts for an unlawful search and when do we decist! My girly bits are privy to only a few select winners and it aint the TSA OR immagration with yellow gloves. GET OUTTA ME GIRLY BITS AND PAY THE FINE!

— Should a drug suspect have to pay the bill for undergoing a court-ordered cavity search that finds nothing?

C'mon — what's not to like?
Hoof it over to Facebook to join the weird news herd.
No, says a New Mexico woman who wants Doña Ana County officials to pay the $1,122 hospital bill she received after undergoing such a search on suspicion she was hiding heroin, The Las Cruces Sun-News reported.
The woman's identity was not being released.
Her lawyer, Michael Lilley of Las Cruces, filed a claim Aug. 30 against the county to justify her demand that authorities pay for her forcible body cavity search, according to the newspaper. Here's what happened, the newspaper said:
The Metro Narcotics Agency had "credible information from a reliable source" that the woman had concealed up to an ounce of heroin, which led to a search warrant on July 1, said Metro Sgt. Mike Alba.
The woman was searched at Memorial Medical Center, which then billed her for $1,122.
No heroin or any other narcotic was recovered from the exam.
The woman was not arrested or charged.
The woman had no criminal history in New Mexico.
County officials would not comment on a pending lawsuit, the newspaper reported.

Asians On The Slingshot Ride

Sounds Kind of Porno right? I was totally hooked when a friend sent this to me thinking I was gonna have to go power up BOB and take a long (nap).. nope.. just 2 guys on a ride from hell. Hell.. I still want to watch..

Who is screaming now bitch!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

The People Of Japan Are Aliens From Another World!

As the aftermath of Japan's Tsunami gets cleaned up, the people of Japan are unearthing from the rubble as well as plucking the beaches with washed up items, thousands of wallets and safes that contain an astronomical amount of money. This is the part that makes the people of Japan Aliens, the returned the items to the authorities to return to the rightful owners if possible.


I think the people of Japan hail from the planet "Decorumious Planetis". You certainly don't hear stories like this everyday and this restores my faith in humanity if its possible.

My previous post had me wanting to move to a beautiful tropical shoreline, and now I want to move to Japan to receive the American exorcism.

"While looting often becomes an issue post-disaster, it's been the exact opposite case in Japan.

Since the March earthquake and tsunami that leveled much of Japan, thousands of wallets containing a total of $48 million in cash have washed ashore -- and been turned in, ABC reports. In addition, 5,700 safes containing $30 million in cash also have turned up.

Ryuji Ito, professor emeritus at Japan's Yokohama City University, tells the Daily Mail that these acts of integrity are simply reflective of the culture:

"...The fact that a hefty 2.3 billion yen in cash has been returned to its owners shows the high level of ethical awareness in the Japanese people."

Hexacopter In Cameroon: African Country From The Sky And I Want To Relocate!

A nice place to fly: Hexacopter in Cameroon / Africa from W. Thielicke on Vimeo.

Amazing video of William Thielicke, a Ph.D. student in biomimetics, built an MM6 Hexacopter and attached a video camera to it, and the results are absolutely stunning. Fly down Cameroon's coast and up its rivers, above small villages, roads and farms and through bridges and forests.

I now got a hankering for palm trees and maitai's!

Debate Over Pot Busts And When The Biggest Bust Was In Mexico

Mexico had just scored a huge pot bust and is claiming is the biggest pot bust ever for Mexico where the plantation spanned 300 acres. Ok, sucks for the stoner's and I bet the drug team got to celebrate with lots of tequila and promotions would be in order.

Turns out that news outlets are challenging the claim as the biggest put bust and cites a 1984 pot bust that spanned 1300 whopping acres valued at gazillions of dollars!

Is it really necessary to debate which pot bust was bigger or greater as long as we are reducing the stoner's who are lazy asses and can't clean their own rooms?

Hey!! I'm Just Saying!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ima Gonna GRAPE UR ARSE!!! Of course its a subtle advertisement.. go with me peeps..

I have no issue with this ad. As long as your a freak in the dungeon typing with one hand. Yep.. you know who you are. You like grapes so bad that you cant even stand the ramifications of grapin rape!! ok watch the video..


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Woman Who Dies At Her Own Funeral.. I Hope I have An Easer Death..

A woman has reportedly died from the shock of coming to life at her own funeral.

Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, 49, was wrongly declared dead by doctors, but she actually died after hearing people pray for her soul in Kazan, Russia, according to the Daily Mail. She also heard that there where 15 virgin young boys waiting for her beyond the pearly gates and wanted to get it on and poppin.

She was taken back to a hospital where she was declared dead, this time for good. With vision of young boys to get it on with. YOUNG STRAPPLIN YOUNG BOYS THAT IS.. Oh what an arc..

"Her eyes fluttered and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital but she only lived for another 12 minutes," her husband, Fagili Mukhametzyanov, said, according to the Daily News.

Mukhametzyanov said he plans to sue the hospital, which says it is conducting an investigation of the incident. His wife was not permitted to have or experience an arc since he could not git it up.

Her final cause of death was heart failure, according to reports. Her "first death" was also heart-related, a suspected heart attack. Cause of the Arc related fantasies..

This isn't the first time a funeral has taken an unexpected twist. In recent years, a man showed up alive for his own funeral in Brazil and a premature baby declared dead woke up before his own funeral before dying shortly after in Paraguay.

Let this be a lesson to peeps who fantasize about Arcs, real boobs and anything natural back in the day where processed food did not permeate our meals... Ya know those McNuggets are gonna kill ya right? It promotes moobs on men for all the wrong reasons..

Whole foods is the way to go peeps!

The Biggest Boobs on Earth!! No LIE!!! Word of The Day.. Boobs.. Spread the Word..

Meet Norma Stitz.

She has tata's bigger then an average teenager and finds no reason to reduce the mongaloid boobs that provide her with daily berating from peeps who can only rub one out whole fantisizing about the talents she may behold. Can you imagine them tata's swinging around a pole? Some on is gonna git a black eye fer sure..

Née Annie Hawkins-Turner, the 52-year-old for Atlanta, Georgia, has the world's largest natural breasts (as reportedly confirmed by Guinness) -- 102ZZZs. That's 3.5 feet of cleavage and each side weighs in at 56 pounds.

Hawkins-Turner made headlines on Thursday after appearing on UK's "This Morning" to talk about her assets with hosts Phillip Schofield and Jenni Falconer.

On getting her first bra when she was 10:
"I don't know what size I was. I was just big. The only thing I remember about those bras is they were cotton and they stuck out just like footballs and that's when I knew I was different. Kids are some of the worst people in the world when it comes to picking on people. I was teased a lot."

On her daily routine:

"When I go out of my house I have to think about what my day is going to be like and who is going to attack me today. Every day someone teases me that doesn't know me. They make fun of me and there's no reason. I'm human like everybody else."

On her late husband Alan:

"He turned my whole life around. He made me love myself and turned me into his Barbie doll. I was like a plus-sized Barbie doll to him. He treated me like a queen. He loved me and he loved my kids. He was my angel, it wasn't just sexual."

On the work she's done for adult websites:

"I've shown people big is beautiful and you can be sexy in your own way. It's not mucky, I'm an entertainer. I talk to you, I'm your fantasy. When I talk to you it's because there are things in your mind that you want to do to me. But in reality you'd never meet me."

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

An Ass Whipe Gets a Beat Down!!

(click to make larger)

I have only one thought..

Dont place ur stanky ass on my white wedding dress!!!! Them is stanky ass fighting words!!!!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Lost Emails.. Too FF

Genius Mudda Fudda's!!!!

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5.



Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.



Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.


The Titanic

Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.



Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it"

.......just saying...



Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF




Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.



Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.


Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.


Black people

Dear Scissors,

I feel your one wants to run with me either.


Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.


Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?



Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.


Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.



Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?


The Mayans

Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?


Native Americans

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.


Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...


The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?



I rest my case...

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Nekkid Racist Man on The 6 Train - Tase Him Bro!!

Sorry for making you crick your neck but its worth it folks!

I have a crazy uncle like this who when he drinks to much, he wants to get nekkid and yell racist remarks at people since he was born under a rock in some hollow mountain born to the music of banjo's.  It explains this dude's white hair since this is the first time he has seen daylight in decades.

This guy is disturbing on so many levels that initially I was thankful for the po-po awaiting him outside the train and calling in for help, UNTIL the dude went ballistic now totally nekkid and now this single po-po has to figure out how to tackle the nekkid dude without getting his hands dirty!  Doesnt this cop have a taser?   I think the majority of viewers would approve the excessive use of a taser to the gonads with no protest.  Seriously... TASE HIM BRO!!!

Hungry Exasperated Talking Dog

This poor dog.. some one call the A.S.C.P.A.    S.T.A.T!   This owner must be hung by his twigs and berries and swung around the yard for torturing this poor dog.  The facial expressions are priceless and I want to quickly rush over some chicken livers and tuna for this poor thing.

Some one throw him a fricken bone!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Grandsons Puter Paint Art... got to love this kid

Ok so my grandson of 5 years old is truly an artisit.  And when I say Artist, he really pays attention to detail like no other. 

He is a Super Hero freak for Batman, Spiderman and the Ben 10 characters.  I truly encourage his endeavors and buy all the art supplies he needs and now he takes it to the computer Paint Program.    He hardly ever lets me captures his art to save to a file because he gets frustrated that its 'not perfect' and had to lecture him on nothing is perfect and you can only do your best and you will get a trophy for just trying.  Hey.. I am trying to keep up with the times!!

Anyway.. here is some of his earlier art:

 Not bad right? (click to enlarge)  no its not a penis.

Here is another..

 Me thinks this kid is gonna be famous.. he hated this picture because the neck was too thick and I told him we would call him No Neck Spidey..

Another one..  what attention to details right?  If you zoom in on the picture.. you can see the details on the jacket which was most important to him.  The number 10 took him like 30  minutes to perfect.  I love the hair and fingers.. but the poor dude has no nose.  For some odd reason, all his Ben 10 dudes have no groin.  LMAOO

THIS IS MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE THING!!!  (ala Oprah voice)  Can we say details are everything?  Need I say more?  This is Patrick with our dog Riley and I think Riley needs a visit to the Vet.  You must click the pic to zoom in.. or maybe not depending on your reflux stomache muscles..  I WARNED YOU!

You cant say I didnt warn you.  This kid really pays attention to detail and for now on, I am wearing a bra.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The History Of Cinco De Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars ofthe condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.  This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise everdelivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to NewYork.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.  The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.

Their anguish was sogreat, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they stillobserve to this day. 

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, ofcourse, as Sinko de Mayo.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Best Man's Speech At A Destination Wedding

I really thought this would be one of those mundane stunts recently performed at weddings.. but I have to say, this guy is good.  Check out this dude rock a move like a rockstar and to be truthful, this guy is not the best in shape and as we see they are on a beach on some destination wedding, I can't even spot on sweat stain on his shirt!  That alone makes him a rock star!!


Penquins - The Mystery of the Grieving


Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins

on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic

bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will

mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of

compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members

of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes

in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is

deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle

around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!

I fell for it too.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Texas Coppa Defends Himself Against Baby Squirrel With Pepper Spray

I totally understand this police officer.  He was totally threatened with the wee squirrel who may jump up his pant leg and nosh on some hairy nutz.  Hey, thats what I wish the squirrel did.  It may of been hungry.

What is the big burly popo gonna do when you are faced with a skeary haired rat with a tail?  Pepper the rodent.  Thats what you do, even thou you have screaming middle schoolers behind you begging for mercy for the wee animal.

The best part is.. the department of popo on animals nono had this to say..

Mesquite Police Department has defended the officer's actions.

Sgt. Wes Talley said the officer stood between a group of students and the animal because he thought it may have been rabid.

Talley said after several unsuccessful attempts to scare the squirrel away, the officer used his pepper spray on it to protect the welfare of the students.

Well we can all go to sleep now knowing that the occifers of our country can defend us against the likes of a 3 inch long baby squirrel..

Hey!!  I'm Just saying!!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Commercial To Inappropriate for TV.. um Ya Think?

HOLY INAPPROPRIATENESS!  I would like to meet the people who developed this concept and mostly the person who approved the making of this commercial!  I imagine this has to be some backwoods one horse town who seeths racism to the 10th degree.  Did they wear the KKK hats while filming?  How the hell did they even get people to act for the shoot?  I guess some people will do anything for a buck..

This blows my mind but I should not be surprised....  This country is going to hell in a handbasket fast!

Friday, April 1, 2011

A Blogger Cool New Feature.. VIEWS!

Blogger has introduced a new feature for ya'll viewers.  All readers can access the dynamic views for any blog by simply appending /view to the URL.   See the example below:

Blogger currently offers five dynamic views for its public blogs.  When you access the blog page in view format, you will find a drop down list on the top right to change the view to 5 options.

•Flipcard: available at [blogURL]/view/flipcard

•Mosaic: available at [blogURL]/view/mosaic

•Sidebar: available at [blogURL]/view/sidebar

•Snapshot: available at [blogURL]/view/snapshot

•Timeslide: available at [blogURL]/view/timeslide


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It's Painful To Be So Fashionable!

Don't hate this guy for his upright fashion sense.  It's a difficult decision when its Halloween and the finishing touches to your costume won't stay in its place!  Your already late for the party and the last thing you want to do is be so late and the only one sober while everyone else is getting their freak on!  What to do?  We super glue the wee hat to our head only to realize the next morning when you laying in a pool of pumpkin spice vomit, that your hat is still stuck to your head and it won't come off.  Off to the E.R for more humiliation but I have to say, the two gents here have a fantastic sense of humor through the whole thing.  But most importantly,  he wont lose his hair.  All 1/8 inch of it.

Happy Times..

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Whose Idea Was This? Some Cheap Ass Bastid Thats Who!!!

After getting hitched at the Bristol Register Office, these 2 knuckle heads, headed to the local Kentucky Fried Chicken in a tuxedo and wedding gown! Their friends had laughed when they initially suggested the location for the reception, but 30 people showed up to celebrate the pair’s new union. The inspiration for the event stemmed from Kalli’s parents, who had held their own wedding reception at a local McDonald’s. By the time the reception had concluded, the group had chowed down on about a total of $325 worth of chicken and chips! Classy.

Now I cant really believe it cost that much?  That would be like 30 guests or are they just big eaters??  Dang, I thought I needed to buy a bird cage for my Mr Man.

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