Let Me Tail You Something

"The People Of Walmart" is the gift that keeps on giving and Walmart is a gift from baby Jesus!



When does someone not know when there is a Walmart breeze on your azz and who wouldnt be conscience of plumbers butt when your sporting a tail?  What US location does this tail sporting pants on the ground perp hail from?  Is it the water they are drinking?  It is genetic?  It is a spooky small town issue where all the town folks sport tails while dancing nekkid after lapping milk from a bowl and howling to the full moon?

Inquiring minds gotta know!!

Another post from People Of Walmart has another hybrid of a human.



I am wondering if this woman (or man?) hails from the same town as the tail man above where their breasticle's grow on their back or their feet are just backwards.. someone splain...  Do they make back bra's or some other kind of support to lift and seperate?

Hey.. I'm just saying...

Baby Rockin to Florence and The Machine

Have to gotta love me sweet baby face hard rocka's.  This poor sweet nuttin of a bugga eatin, diaper crappa, let me eat some shmashed food kinda kid has some serious Rock N Rollin kind of genes. Not the jeans kind so let me splain. 

This kid wants his music, Florence and The Machine, and dont mess with him when he dont get it!!  He really lets you know when he is unhappy and you have no other alternative to provide this sweet face child with the happy sounds he requires and deserves.  I think we have a real head banger on our hands and I am askeared.  I have visions of clown makeup painted on the sweet babies face and some illegal substances at hand.

I KID I KID!!!  nope I dont, I dont..

Insanity At A Subway!!!!

This is your brain on drugs... or maybe vats of alcohol, but watching this scene play out above.. I thought of ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY that was gonna happen..

DON'T TASE ME BRO!!!!!

Just as I was thinking that.. in come the shield carrying brigade armed with tasers slung over their wrists like big ol shotguns...

This guy was such a dipshit.  He was acting all so tough that he even beat up a telephone.

In the end..  he did as I expected.. cried like a baby and nearly sucking his thumb asking for his banky...

 

Woman Solves Wheel of Fortune Puzzle With One Letter

This is just crazy stuff plucked out of a "Good Feeling About It"!!

This woman has identified the first letter "L" in the 7 word phrase and then just decided to solve the puzzle.  Amazeballs..

I bet she was one of those kids in school who had those tight braided pigtails, perfectly clean shoes and white bobbi socks and a plaid skirt who never slouched or picked her nose who raised their hand for EVERY question.

I hated kids like that..

I prefer my Wheel Of Fortune in the casino's where I am a little over zealous, fueled by free watered down cocktails and just waiting for the slot machine to loudly applaud and scream.. WHEEL.. OF.. FORTUNE!!!  while the wheels spins and spins and everyone is looking at me and I am doing the happy dance!

Chuck Norris

Someone sent me a Tweeet today that I should Do a Google search for

"Where is Chuck Norris"

and click on the first option

These are the results you may get:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.


Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

• Run, before he finds you
• Try a different person

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I thought I had too much time on my hands....

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap Episode 6

Well my reality show junkie friends.. we got a guest blogger to recap the new episode and I do love this brand of SHNARK!!!

Sunday nights just got a whole lot better, people. What better way to end the weekend than sitting in front of the ladies from Atlanta? Let's jump right in with Miss Kim. Kimmy Kim Kim. We know you want to be Lady Gaga. We get it. We even have a great name for you - Duchess OMG. Imagine the air kisses you can share with the Countess! Shut the front door! But sweetie, it's just not gonna happen. That's not to say you aren't going to be the best Kim Zolciak ever. We believe you can do it. We're just not with you on the singing thing.

Click Here to Read More fantastic rhetoric from our guest blogger

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Preview

Ok My Reality Junky Friends..  Here is a thread to spew all our shnarks and rants on the Real Housewives Of Altanta tonight at 10:00 PM!!

I hope to have a recap tomorrow of the show by a mystery guest blogger. 

I'm Baaaaack!!!!!

Sorry Peeps.  I have taken a break and will do my best to update more often since I have included more fiber in my diet to be more regular. 

For my cyber friends.. please comment in any fashion that suits you.

OK OK!! I have taken some time off

I have been in FLorida for a more than a few weeks visiting my daughter and her family. 

We went to Disney..  Magic Kingdom and Epcot. 

Ok  a few stories.. 

First off it was a birthday month for both my grand children.. yeah yeah.. I am that old..  soo..  for my wee grandaughter, she had an appointment for the grand salon, Bippity Bobbity Doo!!  Yeah Yeah.. if your old like me, I have no idea what the was until now.  It turns out that Disney found a new way to make money to elicit kids/parents to look like a female Disney Character and make a million.  Well hell yes my daughter bought into the whole shabang and was a bit shmerter.  She got a great costume off of ebay that is worthy of 100 bucks for 15 buckaroonies.  I was SUPPOSED to go with them to the Bippity Boppity Boo chit.. but lord. I traveled for 2 days in a BMW SUV were the passenger seat didnt even recline.. NO SHIT!!  my son in the back seat had no room since Mr Man packs for the apocalypse and I am sure that if we were caught up in something like War Of The Worlds.. we had enough Oatmeal, cheeses, and other chilled fruit in a cooler that housed all his super foods, power bars and all the essentials to power this man to the next city and hotel. I was in awe.  Yes.. he was regular.  Me not so much..  I failed to eat the magic food.

Soo.. back to Driving to Florida ..  We stopped to rest and I was exhausted sitting erect in a car for so many hours.. sleeping in a hotel that took me back to the movie "Vacancy".  I kid you not.. the pool was like WTF.  empty and a lounge chair in the deep end and in the deep end a shallow water of green who who the heck peed in it and ran? 

I instructed all my fellow passengers to just leave all pillows and blankets in the car to not allow any bed bugs or other critters to latch on.  I said three hail marys and what the holy fuck for a good measure.  Bless me father since I am not a proponet for poor sacks who have to reside in these types of dwellings and now I am one of them.  Where the fuck can I redeem my Marriott points!!!

Ok I cant lie.  I started drinking way before the hotel stay.  Lets say 150 miles prior.  By the time I got under the who what covers...  I didnt feel so awful.. Mr Man looked at me like I was a strawberry on top of the cheesecake.  Lord I was flattered...  I certainly obliged.. I now feel more dirty then when we first started and all I had was a toof brush via morning.

I sawear it was the wine that I was sippin out of a jar that travelled so long that was wrapped by an ice bag deep in a thermos bag. I do travel well I must say..

Needless to say.. I arrived safe and sound to my daughters and as you guessed I was not killed.  I dont want to be that famous.  I already am sorta famous.. but dont need that much notoriety.. (hehe)

Ok so we arrived finally in time to only turn around and drive another few hours to arrive to our final destination for a kids birfday weekend and I am done.  No fork needed.  OF COURSE I AM NOT GOING TO THE BIBBITY FUCK SALON!!!  I AM TIRED!!

Forgive me father since I am a lush and just hung over..

Here is the proof of the Bippitty Boppitty Boo with the sweet face LoreLai. 

Isnt she the cutest thing you have ever seen!!!  Now you know why I havent blogged in a looong time.  With a sweet baby like that.. who would??  All my time was marveling over this sweet lass with her smile from ear to ear and just wondering how I am gonna smuggle her out of the Florida home.. Dang.. I failed but all I got is these pictures..

My other Floridian sweet face baby boy Billy. 

Can you believe this tank above JUST turned 4 years old?  This kid is huge and weighs more than me.  (I wish)

My Sweet Baby Patrick

Ok for Twattering purposes.. I am posting this pic for my twattering friends.. Ignore of your not interested.

As a back story.. I dont twat from phone so I dont have that ability to upload pics.. SORRY!!! 

Glee Inspired Emmy's Opening

Alright, I wasn't going to post this video since I thought EVERYONE watched the Emmy's and as I found out this weekend.. nope.. its not true..

I spent time with my brother and his wife this holiday weekend when I tried to engage them in conversation regarding the Emmy's opening number and guess what.. THEY DIDN'T SEE IT!!!

RIGHT???? Thats what I was thinking... TURDS!!!!!!

When you have HUGE nominees like Mad Men and Glee with a host who graces us like Jimmy Fallon, I thought for sure that EVERYONE WOULD WATCH??

So for a few of you turds who have no culture in todays TV, here is the clip of the opening scene for the Emmy's.

Betty White was a fantastic cameo but I have to say.. Don Draper in anything but a suit and a ciggarette hanging from his mouth.. is still sexy.. loved the hippity hop.

If I was Betty White, I woulda slapped that ass.

One last note.. why is Hurely (from Lost) still over weight?? Isnt he eating nuts and berries on that Island?? That to me is a recipe for massive diarrhea which is a diet from the gods..

PS.. Turn the volume on high so you can rock out to my next husband

Tween Does Katy Perry, With Serious Eyebrows!!

Who doesn't love a tween who is imitating life on earth in the art of music as the best as can be??? Yep.. he is doing Katy Perry. This wee tween with a simple look and a stare.. left and right jerks makes this song even more bearable for me.

I am now so wanting more from the young lad who has the skills of arching brows, shifting head left and right and mostly!!! Putting his silvered enamored fists under his chin for more cheese!!!

SOME ONE GIVE THIS BOY A SHOW!! He is everything PereZ wanted to be but FAILED!!!

Realy, doesnt he look like the kid in "Jerry Maguire" with updated glasses and lost the blonde DOO??

GIVE ME MORE GIVE ME MORE!!!

Please god.. make him do Britney!!!

Please make sure you watch the entire video.. It gets more and more entertaining.. I SAWEAR!!!

Daniel Staub Of Real Housewives of Cracked Out McMansions Performs

OH the Humanity!!!! What the Hell was Danielle thinking or even better.. What the hell was her PEEPS thinking when they allowed her to perform this little number??? This must of been a joke of some kind. Maybe Kim G impersonated Danielle's girl friends to encourage her to go out there and make an ass of herself??

I have no words and dont know where to begin since I could only watch 10 seconds of it before the cheese was dripping down my puter screen with vapors of ASS!!!!!

Enter at your own risk peeps. I dont have any workers comp insurance if you become ill and convulse.


 

Fillipino Queens Watching Miss. Universerve Pageant Lose Their Shit!!

First of all, I want to know if there is a forced strict wardrobe requirement when you are watching this pageant show. White tees?? I would think these guys would be sporting ascots and martini's for such an event.

These guys nearly shit their pants in anticipation while supporting their country and when she is finally picked..they literally pass out after having seizures of the pageant kind.

This is too fricken funny..

UK XFactor - Mercy

This is too hysterical and I am wondering how come I dont have access to this show!!

Another great performance by a highly trained opera singer who really hits it home while singing the song "Mercy"

She couldnt of sang a better song with a better title since Mercy is what is required when watching..

Is it me or does she have her own built in Auto-Tune? Is that natural?

***UPDATE*** I guess I wasnt the only one hearing auto tune in the video. Turns out XFactor is guilty of overlaying the AutoTune to hide the fact that they only attract talentless acts!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Big Brother 12 Lane Diddling In The Shower

This is why I should be paying for live feeds. Lane takes his daily shower and tries to convince the audience that he is spending 2 minutes cleaning out his ears with his left hand while his right hand is in hiding..

When your body is shaking from the right handed movement and your head tilts back in an orgasmic state, and you become real still.. I think its safe to assume that Lane is Rubbing One Out..

Now I know what my sons are doing in the long ass showers they take.. Going on a pines sol raid in the tub.. brb

Rescuing Sloths NOT THE GOONIE KIND!!

Ok, the only thing I know about "Sloth's" are from the movie "Goonies" and he was a nightmare until we eventually fell in love with him.

I wanted to adopt Sloth the newly annointed Goony and bring him home and feed him icecream. He could bark that sound he makes all day as long as he protects me from harm and haters on Twitter.

VBS takes us behind the scenes of the Sloth Sanctuary of Costa Rica to meet some of the residents and their "mommies."

Ok truth be told.. I just stole that previous statement from OMGBLOG

These are orphaned babies and I want to adopt one!! Oh, better, I want to go to Costa Rica and provide my services to the sweet face babies who will give me unconditional love regardless how much I drink..



Oh just a side note.. if I had to identify with one sloth from the video.. I would be Delilah. Pulling the blanket over your head was invented by me. Dont look at me!!! I is tired!! I have no makeup on!! My head hurts from too much vino last night!!! BRIGHT LIGHTS!! BRIGHT LIGHTS!!

McNuggut Rampage.. I Am Innocent!!!

Ok, I know most of you peeps have seen this video... but I have to explain myself..

I AM INNOCENT!!!!

That cashier was busting my balls and deserved it. When I asked for fries.. she asked me how would I like that to hurt. When I said huh?? Some other guy said.. she means would you like that to hurt now or later. I had no clue what they were talking about and just wanted my 5 pound burger slathered with pickles wit sauce, lettuce, cheese on a sesame seed bun.. with my jumbo upgraded fries and a wait.. wait.. diet coke.

Hey!! I WANT IT MY WAY!!!!

So I cut a bitch..

Scooter Fail BUT HIGH-LARIOUS!!

I must be the most cynical person out there but I cant help it.  I laughed so hard at this video and like hard.. FOR 3 HOURS!!!  I have the most loudest laugh that I had neighbors that knocked on my door to make sure that I was not being tortured by a tickling session.  Seriously!!  I hate being tickled and if you are bigger than me or chasing me trying to tickle me, I will cut ya. 

Tell me this is not funny..
Update: Ok I posted the wrong link.. here is the Scooter Fail.. The next video is just some kid who got caught on camera scratchin his balls.. lmaoo

Caught on Camera FAIL - watch more funny videos

Erin Markey Does Brittney

Erin Markey beat me to the punch.  I had already decided to throw down a video of me making my great impersonation of Britney singing "Hit Me Baby One More Time" but now its futile.

Instead of me donning my vocals gymnastics, I will instead let you watch Erin.  The head jerks are the funniest..

Kristen Schaal On David Letterman

There is a new gal in tv town and her name is Kristen Schaal.  She somewhat reminds me of Victoria Jackson from Saturday Night Live but all the same.. I am in love with her brand of humor!!

Check out her interview below and I love how she cracks up David.

Mad Men - Don Draper

Where the hell have I been?  I just discovered the show Mad Men and I am totally inlove!!

I heard about the show and instead of starting season 4, of course I had to obtain (dont ask) the first 3 seasons and watch a marathon with Mr Man.

Right out the gate Season 1 Epidose 1 we were impressed!!  What a smart show based in the era which.. er um..  I sort of relate with..  I may now think twice about my mothers admonition that she was a virgin upon her wedding day since they are all doing it in the show in the 60's.  Mom... we gotta talk after I inject you with truth serum.

The show is smart because it splains the ad agency industry and how it evolved starting from the 50's with flashbacks to the 30 - 40's.

Ok, the bigger attraction to the show is none only than DON DRAPER!!!  Oh lord.. what a freakin hunk and I want to bang this man regardless of his wandering eye.  Did I fail to mention that after one episode, you will reach for a bottle of whiskey and a carton of Lucky Strikes??

I so badly want Don (Mr Sexy) thrust a glass of whiskey in my right hand, thrust a lit cigarrete in my left, throw me over his desk, lift up my skirts, undo my garter belts and bang me like no tomorrow!!!  That was a good release..

Every scene has either drinking, smoking or both at all times??  This is a place of work I want to be in.

For peeps who have a special down their need to know.. its on AMC Sunday Nights at 9:00 pm

http://www.bestweekever.tv/ does a great weekly blog with alot of (my fav) shnarky comments and digs into the references made to the era that some on you youngins may not understand..

Lisa Lampanelli on OH God.. I think I suck

 Who does not like Lisa the the Lamp who goes full force and suckin all our dicks!!! Or so she simulates it..   she is just special is all.  Gotta love this woman..

She finds a way to insult EVERYONE and somehow its funny ass shit.  I have never seen anyone else have a comic room full of all races and gets them all to laugh while bashing them all.  She is a freak of nature..


How to Insult ALMOST Everyone...
Uploaded by chicachula. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey - Kids Reenact

I cant believe I found this video.  I was just chatting with someone that this show is like woman fighting over who stole my barbie or did you eat my ice cream cone!!!!

I say we dump the cast for NJ and hire these sweet faces.  They are more interesting and they look cleaner than the RHoNY turds..

Code Word... CHOW PORN!!

This dude is the new Dog Whisperer.  His room mate has a dog he calls MeatWad, and please dont expect me to understand how they came to naming that dog since I dont sport testicles. 

The owner is slacking on taking the dog for a walk where this guy taking the video has decided to step in on the doody patrol.  This guy has to be golden if he is willing to walk the dog with a plastic baggie to eventually scoop up the hot steamy funky cold medena and have it seep through the cheap baggy to his bare hands..

This guy somehow banged it into the dogs head a code word for lifting its leg..  "CHOW PORN"

WTH???  and mostly.. that dog seems to get real excited about it!!

I'm Just Saying,,,

A Wine Glass Made JUST FOR ME!!

via Dlisted

OMG!!!!!  Someone finally made me a wine glass that contains an ENTIRE bottle of vino of my choice!! 

Has someone been peaking into my wish list of vino infused needs?

Now I dont have to repeatedly get up off my vino stained chair and walk in my vino stained socks for a refill!

Again.. one more opportunity that I have missed out on to make my million dolla's so I can build a wine cella the size of the local mall.  Now the only thing I need now is a Barista bar built next to my wine cella incase I will be required to make an appearance outside my vino infused state.  Oh an a Barista Bar Boy too. 

The only real problem or fear I have of this glass is that I have spilled my glass before and mostly greatful that the glass was nearly empty.  Getting up to pour more wine into a new glass was always a relief.

What happens if I spill this glass??  Will I see pink elephants and crying (like Nancy Kerigan)

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????

Evian Skating Babies to Rappers Delight

What could be more endearing.. The class rap song, Rappers Delight or... Babies on Roller skates!! Ok, what if mash we them for double your fun?? Well Evian Water peeps have done just that with what looks like an amazing commercial of Babies on crack on skates on rap!!

I cant shnark to much.. cause. well they are babies.. even thou they are animated!! wow.. This really can go south if I am not able to reel in the fingers.



I want to harp on the theme of double your fun and here is another oldie of mine with babies but signing in the tub.. Dont be a perv.

KCS COUGAR Is At It Again - Teresa Giudice Twats

Oops.. I mean Twitters

Lord... KCS is at it again and what great timing!!!

As most of you who are Bravo junkies and are all over Teresa Giudice's Tax Evasion, lying under oath to the courts while filing bankruptcy, spendaholic and partyaholic why FILING bankruptcy spoiling her kids which $2000.00 shopping spree's JUST FOR HER KIDS and and.. oh its endles.. Lets not forget about her sexie times daily and nightly with Juicy Joe.

Here is KCS latest and greatest video of the couple and their sexy times while cooking..

Ch Ch Check it out!!



Also older RHoNJ KCSCOUGAR videos are worth rewatching just for the granite and marble dildoe's.



She got BIGGA TITS!!!!

America's Got Talent - Defying Gravity

This is really hard for me to admit.. but YES!! I do watch America's Got Talent and they have a great act I needed to share if you didnt see it.

That is all.. no quips or shnark..

Kathy Griffin's Response To Her Break Up With Levi Johnston

This video is another Emmy Winning award nod for my girl Kathy. She has invested alot into the relationship with Levi and now is heartbroken that Levi's "Johnson" is now engaging with Bristol Palin.

Ok, I meant to say is ENGAGED to!! Same same..

Kathy now needs a case of "Chubby Bubby" Ben and Jerry. A case for each of them and a year supply of batteries. If I had tapped that ass in that PlayBoy Mag.. I would be crying.. too.

KATHY!! My heart goes out to you and sending you a new BOB!!

Comic Owns Heckler

This is just hysterical. Just when you think things cant get worse in this dudes standup.. He gets a one word heckle that makes the room roar with laughter so hard, he is unable to get another word out. Finally when he does after clearly looking quite like he had to squeeze his cheeks together so hard as not to shit himself.. he gives back an awesome comeback that brought the house down..

KUDOOOOOOOOZE!!!!!!!!!

Funny Or Die with Jewel Punking A Karoake Bar

This is so epic. Jewel got to dress up like a homely frozen food business woman and punk a hard care Karoake Bar into thinking she was some unsung talent and I have to tell you.. It gave me goosebumps and I was rooting for Karen!!! Karen btw is Jewels personna and I really wanted her to do well since she had that huge nose, mousey hair and a bad suit on.

Someone needs to introduce Karen to Nordstroms STAT!!

Surprisingly enough.. the crowd was AWESOME to Karen and more surprisingly, most of them didnt even know after the real Jewel re entered the bar, they still didnt put 2 and 2 together and realized Karen was Jewel. What backwoods place where we visiting??

Undercover Karaoke with Jewel from Jewel

George Lopez: What They Should Have Said

I dont normally watch George Lopez and am now asking myself why not?

I purposely taped his show because my Kathy Griffin was scheduled as well as the entire cast of Jersey Shore and thought that was an awesome combination.

It turns out that The Situation and Kathy Griffin has slept together the previous night and they were willing to spill the deets.

In the beginning of show after the monolgue, I guess he does a skit called "What They Should Of Said" and he begins to call out Mel Gibson as a racist for his "wetbacks" rants and did a hysterical skit with a clown lip syncing the words to his last rant.

I nearly peed my pants. Makes his point perfectly clear.

Now I need to remember to DVR this show as well. I spend more time catching up on my DVR than anything else these days. DVR is ruining me.

Nick Cannon - All That - The Inconvenience Store

Can you believe this is Nick Cannon? I love him in Americas Got Talent and will watch what eva he hosts.. I will forgive him for marrying Mariah Carey.. WHYY???? WHYYYY??? (spoken like Nancy Kerrigan after her knee was bashed in)

WHYYY???????????????????????

Your still hot to me Mr Knick.. Ok I love you in drag and your nails looked gorgeous!!



I'm Just Saying...

Old Man Dances To Lady Gaga - I AM GAGA!!

This old 74 year ol man is cracking me up!! Not only does he have his own dance, he is enlisted hot young men to create the new GAGA DANCE!! HE GOT MOVES!! Hell, he moves so fast that I am getting a woody. If I can only have the moves and energy as this ol dude I would be a strippa of great proportions!! Move over Bunny Ranch!! I am coming!!!



Ok I now had a release and feeling sleepy.

I'm Just saying..

New Commercial For The Old Spice Hottie!!

Yes, I want to smell your body.. Yes, I want to touch your body.. Yes!! Yes!! I want you inside me!! Yes!! Yes!!

Man something about this guy is selling alot of old spice and new spice. You can put him in a jar and I will be the highest bidder!! GIVE IT TO ME!!



YES!! YES!! Just like that Clairol commercial..

I'm just saying..

Adam Sandler Does Jimmy Fallon The High-Larity Ensues..

I love me some Jimmy as well as Adam but this shit is tff.  There is to much that can go wrong with this interview/ dialogue..  but it always comes off where you pee your pants as funny.  I myself maybe have similar stories about kids discovering you in the shower but I have one story from a work friend.  She was in the shower with her two kids and had to bend over to grab something and her daughter asked her..  "Mommy.. when will I get hair in my ass??"  lord have mercy.. this is a great segway into this funny ass video clip of Adam Sandler with Jimmy laughing his ass off or either too embarrased to say so.  I still cant get over the Pink Poo thingy thats a dingy which a hangy on the ass-dingle-bingy. 



More funny chit from Jimmy via Andy Gibb



How many times do we have to watch Kristen Wiig totally lose it and lose it ourselves??  SHe is a freakin genius of nature and I want to hang out with her. 

I'm Just saying..

Proposal Video Ahh.. How Come I Didnt Go To Prom??

Wouldnt it of been lovely if your Mr Man has expressed so much love?? 

Now that I think about it.  he is a furry rat bastid that does not deserve clean sheets and a furry pillow.. I know have idea's



Furry Rat Bastid for making me think I dont deserve this.. can we say arsenic in the coffe??  Thank you Nine To Five Ladies.. You got me back!!

Word of the Day... Back Fat

DONT  SPREAD THE WORD!!  You may find a cookie or a dognut.  Yeah I said that.. Dog-Nut. 

Ok this is my biggest nightmare.  Me in a gown whith all me goodies spilling out back.. under me arms.. and out of my strapless gown, While at my daughers wedding..  sigh..  I KNOW I KNOW!!  How many times have u seen that!!??

The woman who fitted me when I complained of back fat said.. huney.. you have no idea and you are certainly ok.    Then I started to compare myself to the woman in the pic and thought..

                                              I AM NOT OK!!!

Who want to compared to woman who have ability to NOT have any kind of back fat??

So I expressed myself with a lovely wrap.. WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD DO!!

My sister on the other hand likes diversions.  She wears a sausage dress that pushes up her boobs so high and out, thats all you can see and say.. HOLY CHIT!!!  DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD!!

My sister prefers to make a handshake with her boobs and all eyes on it.  God Its wrong when you learn a lesson from your baby sister. 

Sigh..

Mr Man is Pissed.. Again.. Early Morn..

This is categorized under WTF.  Mr Man is an aficionado of Oatmeal... Yes peeps you heard me right.  He has lost like 20 pounds pummeling down the gookey food but perfecting his own recipe with protein powder, mashed banana, a secret recipe topped with cinnamon, walnuts and fresh blueberries.  I decided to get on his instant fat burning kick and when he makes his witches brew each morning, he makes me a cute wee bowl in a fancy shmancey glass bowl that was made to present the best of dips to the chips and I am so impressed.

I am already up this morn and he is tasking away in the kitchen making his special special brew and was wishing quietly he used bourbon in lieu of water but shit.. You cant ask for much.

Turns out after making this special brew and setting up all the bowls of the day..  he came to me and asked if the dishwasher was clean.  I was like.. How The fark would I know?? Check the glasses on the top of the rack in the dishwasher.  If they have a pool of water on the glasses.. yep.. they are clean..

HOLY CHIT!!!  SOMEONE CALL 911!!!  I heard weird sounds of oatmeal being slammed into the sink and he peaked around the wall and said.. wait..  "I AM NO LONGER MAKING THIS FOR YOU ANY MORE!!!"

Ok now time to contain my gurgling laughter, must put on a good face.. PLEASE OH PLEASE DON'T LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

I kindly tell the Mr Man.. "its not my fault you didn't use clean dishes..  "  Ok when I said that, I cowarded into the corner and waited.  Waiting to see if he would pull out the magic pot to mix up a new brew. 

As I sit here I don't even know if he is cooking again or scratching his ass with the bloody spoon..

If you don't hear from me in 2 days.. please send a rescue squad.  I may be buried in the garden topped with oatmeal..  Please send donations to my childrens college fund.

Pink More Details On her Concert Tour Abroad

Ok since my last post of Pink, I have checked her tour schedule and cant find anything in my area at all. Actually so far what I see is in Europe and am feeling slighted.  Come on Pinkie Tuscadero and give us some dates for the US.. Ok I am not gonna fly across the country but a  good drive will do. 

More video from Pink which is her peeps and not a purp with a cell phone.. how exciting is this when you are pumped up on alcohol!!  Wait.. did I just say that?  I meant energy.. or um.  chemicals.. that are called.. called.  Shit.. ok u got me.. ALCOHOL!!!

Ok, you naysayers have your field day.. but you all just a bunch of liars and peeps in the closet..

pifft.. 



SHE IS A GODESS!!!!!!

Jimmy Fallen and Bradley Cooper..

Ok who doesnt like some of whipped up Jimmy Fallen especially when he is wearing speedo's on a sunset couch.  I have no idea what I just said.  Anywho..  who doesnt like some Bradley Cooper??  I will do body shots off his navel any day.  Sigh.. my fantasies just take me over.. 

Anyway.. check out this great clip of the duo having fun and now my current fantasies is doing both of them in a twin bed.  Why a twin?  Cause I am going to the cream in the oreo cookie, because they are both STRONG BLACK MEN!!   yeah.. good times..  Chit.. I will let you know how my fantasy turns out and if they are in good company of said porn stars with a LONG history of satisfying..  sigh.   


 
Ok.. I have a confession that I have to see a therapist for.. I first typed Jimmy Kimmel who I dont really like.. WTH???   I see myself laying on a couch in the near future.  Off to spend alot of money and I would think the therapist would give GOOD advice. 

Tortoise Helping Tortoise

If only peeps had my back like the demonstration below.  As I got halfway into this video.. A few thoughts comes into my mind..

"And then a hero comes along,

With the strenght to carry on,
And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive,
So when you feel like hope is gone,
Look inside you and be strong,
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you."



Play the following video for your listenting pleasure why you watch the above video. 

HBO Boardwalk Empire Preview

HOLY SHIT BALLS!!!  This looks freakin amazing!!!  September folks..

Preview Trailer #3

Pinks New Tour Preview

Who wouldnt want to attend this party????  Who is with me!!!



Get your party hats on peeps!!

RH of NY KCS COUGER Parody of the Best Kind!!

I have posted many of these, but somehow this one is SPOT ON!!  You have to laugh out loud on this one.



also, the infamous night on Skeary Island Dinner with laugh tracks.  So worth the rewatch



I die!

So Am I Watching a Masterpiece or is a porno??

So.. i .. dunno... lets watch... ok.. so there..

David Mamet's "Lost Masterpieces of Pornography" w/ Kristen Bell, Ed O'Neill & Ricky Jay from David Mamet

Word of the Day.. NIPPLES!!

What say you??

Im just saying is all.. If I was a wee baby with needs..

What???

Why Oh WHy Do You Have to Spill The Wine??

I had feeling of like licking the ground.. taking a straw to the floor.. or just plain old needing to gather all the lovely liquids that spill to the floor and I dont care if botchulism lived there.. I would totally suck up that shit. Call me what you want. but I am just a thirsty gal..



I am not a person afflicted with Parkinson's. I'm just an alcoholic. I am still shakin looking at all that wasted booze.

I'm just saying..

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

AMEN!!!!!!!



Dag Nabbit.. AMEN!!!

I'm Just saying..

Jersey Shore Parody

This video is genius!! When you mix the beach with Springsteen AND the cast of the Jersey Shore peeps.. you have GENIUS!!

I am just pissed that I didnt get on the show since I have been fist pumping in the shore night clubs since 1979.

Dont the kids of the Jersey Shore need a den mother or something?? Where do I sign up!!




I Die

Betty White and Tracy Morgan - The Latest In Cougar Town

If you cant get enough of either Betty White OR Tracy Morgan, check out this little diddy that memorializes their new relationship hidden by a photo shoot.

I say we campaign to see these two get married.. Face Book anyone??



I Die!

Saturday Night Live - Lord Douchebags!!

Omg.. A blast from the past..



LMAOO

Saturday Night Live Weekend Update

Ok, Some of you know that I have been sporting a really bad muscle pull or something and I cant harldy walk let alone get up out of a chair.  Sleeping has been rough as well.

Last night I forgot to DVR SNL and just started watching online.  Weekend Update is my favorite skit and they have a new character.  He is a Stefon who is a new (gay) correspondent which is becoming a huge favorite.

The best part is watching Seth Meyers try and keep his composure during the entire skit. 

The second half of the update is with 2 characters Garth and Kat.  If you have never seen this skit before, let me fill you in on the story line.  They are a couple who oozes sunshine out of their asses and pretend to be singer/song writers.  They are ALWAYS unprepared and just make shit up.  Kristin Wig who I FLOVE is hysterical in this.  When they break out in song, she just stares at her husbands lips to try and pick up on the lyrics he is making up and is geniously 3 seconds behind him and immitating his hand moves.

I laughed so friggin hard that I was coughing and wheezing and now my side hurts so bad, I cant move.

I am supposed to entertain in a few hours and now I am dead meat. 

Please keep the phone handy in case you need to dial 911 while watching..

Part 1:
Update.. SNL had seperated the skit and a new link.. sorry peeps.. here it is and enjoy Stefan!!


Part 2



I DIE!!!!

Amazing Gorilla Reunion

I know I know!!!  Haven't posted in a while.  Lost my taste of shnark as of lately since my allerigies are killing me.. Yes killin me like sleeping all day and doped up on vino..    A girl gotta medicate herself.. Ya know?

Anywho..  this is not a shnarky post.  This is one of those spingly tear jerkers of a video that makes you go aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  and wish you could experience this love with a huge hairy beast.  Oh wait!! I did have one of those kinds of love with my ex!!   BAZINGA!!!!
 
This video is about some dude who supports the Aspinall Foundation which is a charity that promotes wildlife conservation and reintroduces captive gorillas back into the wild in West Africa. Five years ago, conservationist Damian Aspinall (a gift from baby Jesus) released a gorilla, Kwibi, into the jungles of Gabon. Aspinall returned recently to reunite with a now ten-year-old Kwibi.

Now, I live in the Tri State area and have seen countless reports on the Chimp that unmercifully mangled a woman beyond recognition and thought this video might have a not so happy ending that I started to bite my nails and get queasy. 

Ch Ch Check out this Video and watch the gorillas eyes..  I get weepy just thinking about it..



<br>

Gargamel!!! Where have you been!!

Look at Hank Zarin below doing a great Gargamel like no one has!!!  He is perfect!!!  My kids would be proud.  What a great haeinus turd that he is with all the yuck in  life.. 

I just love him and all his madness.  I cant wait to see what evil he will zap on our blue good peeps..

I'm Just saying..

Doña Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y Silv!

Doña Maria is the current reigning Duchess of Alba and head of the House of Alba

I want to throw up a little bit and now think I look so gooood!!

I think if I had a ton of money.. the last thing I would do is plump up my lips and intentionally get frizzy hair products.. Let copulate that with a white veil and have a coke ring ontop of top lip..  Thats not "Let Get Milk" peeps..  stop thinking she is lapping up the midwife...

Ahhh.. good ol times when I was younger but didnt look like this.. even thou I was a queen in my own mind.  I had coke parties and lots of mirrored tables for all to cut on.  I was the queen of stash up you noses.  So peeps who where not invited knew they were passe of not that cool..

Sigh.. I am dating myself and now need a line..     OF A NEW DIALOGUE HERE!!

You peeps are just drug infested.. I tell ya...

I'm just saying..

P.S.  Drugs kill and I am just kidding..  If you want to have a life of sucking gum off streets and begging for burnt popcorn.. suck up the white horse you turds... life is better eating bonbons and watching soap operas you turds..

Holy CraP...

Iggy Pop is Zexzy

Holy crap.. someone tell this guy to put a shirt on..  I am feeling my face fall down and my Vadge fall into my ankles..

It aint right!!!

I'm just saying...

A Fart Blanket For The Couple

This is the best thing ever invented!!! We know of "Dutch Ovens" which my daughter had to explain to me and was aghast!!

I had no clue there was a reference to laying fanny burps under the covers and putting the covers over your partners head and having a fit of laughter to top the cherry off!! Thanks Erica and Bill!!!

Now I want to throw up..

When I am a bit gassy, I prefer to tuck the blankets all around me and just pretend that nothing is going on.

Until one night...

I had a really bad time with something I ate.  I have no idea what it was, but Mr Man always tells me that something is rotten in Denmark. 

I get his meaning..

Soo......  I was letting them loose one night and made sure my high falutin quilt was tucked all round me body and would worry about airing it out the next day...

I was watching TV and it was late, and he wanted to go to sleep and I just yelled. to just let me finish my show!!!

So he just looked at me and decided he was not going to win this fight. 

He just decided to take the covers over his head to block out the light from the TV and I inhaled deeply..

HOLY CHIT!!!

He jumped out of the bed and screamed at me!!!  Ran out of the room and got the friggin lysol..

I ran out of the room since that stuff makes my lungs squeeze tightly and he was yelling like a banshee..

I could not stop laughing and coughing and spitting due to his indignat behavior which gave me more pleasure..

Needless to say.. I have been waiting to tell this story which then at this point my daughter and her husband told me that I was doing a "Dutch Oven"   

I cannot tell you how much this gave me pleasure in knowing that I did something inknowingly that is a total recent fad.  I am cool. 

Whatch this video for peeps like me who needs to invest..  or not??  I prefer the outrage...

I'm just saying...

First Look At Marmaduke

Krike!! Is this Marmaduke who is having a bad year????

I am worried about this guy. some peeps who are too old to know we are not quite waiting for this.. We would rather have more funny than a sitcom or something else.. I want Marmaduke too jump on tables. slobber the folks and eat the Thanksgiving dinner.. This may not be a hit but it is a flashback from the past..

You younging might not know who he is so google his cartoon slides.. Its a favorite newspaper cartoon from my youngin days..

Man that was so long ago...

I feel like scooby doo on a bad night..

YIKES!!!

Drunk Man Tries To Resuscitate a Dead Possum?

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704266504575142224096848264.html?mod=WSJ_WSJ_US_News_3  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/26/drunk-man-arrested-for-tr_n_515276.html

Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a dead opossum along a highway.

State police in Punxsutawney say several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday afternoon. Police arrested him along the highway, Route 36, in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

The Associated Press could not locate a home telephone number for Wolfe.

A state police news release did not specify how Wolfe was allegedly trying to revive the roadkill. The arresting trooper did not immediately return calls for comment Friday.

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/drunk_pa_man_tried_to_revive_dead_fYRQF5TfpUHx5JbseDlmEL#ixzz0jOnX03Oe

I'm Just Saying...

Burger Brawl At Whataburger

Who goes to a burger joint and expect this kind of entertainment??

If a Man doesnt get his burger.. watch out!!!

Lord have mercy!!  yeah yeah.. I say that all the time but I do have recollections of my man throwing plates of cold spaghetti through my small kitchen window staining my window curtains since he came home late from the bars.. and yes.. it was cold.. 

Men are cold and hot...

Hot.. let me strip for you and give you a lap dance..  He was hot.. but no.. I would not give him that..

Cold..  you came home late for dinner.. you could of heated up dinna... I still didnt give him that dance.

KILL ME NOW!!

This turd below is an example of my life..





I'm Just Saying...

Dog Gets Sprung From The Joint!!!

Poor wee lad Winston the dog has finally been sprung from jail since he chewed off the bumper from a PO-lice VE-hicle. It is said that this is not his normal behavior which got him sprung from the Doggy Jail in time to get home to get some lovin and rubbin from his owners.. Maybe a pork rind as a treat?

Now.. I do think there is a conspiracy theory here. I think the poor wee lad Winston smelled bacon.. Yep.. I said it.. He smelled bacon and went WILD on that cruiser to put a cap in his ass. I think someone set the poor lassie up and taintied that car with pork grease and he couldnt contain himself. Its not that poor dogs faults since how would he get his hands on pork grease!!




I'm Just Saying..

Genius Bank Robbers

Genius bank robbers call the bank ahead of time to let the bank know they are going to rob their asses and to get the loot ready..

Lord have mercy!! If I only knew it was that easy!! I would be rich.. with a million dollars, a mansion and a yacht!!!

Bugs Bunny.. how could I been so stupid...



I'm Just saying..

Jamie Olivers Food Revolution

Has anyone else been watching Jamie Olivers "Food Revolution"?

I really think this is a fantastic show and the county that he is revolting against totally needs his help.

Poor Jamie is trying to demonstrate to the kids and adults the processed food and how they are made.  He takes the chicken bones and guts.. puts them in a food processor puts them in a siv, mashes them up and adds crumbs and seasoning..  THis whole time he demonstrates the yuckyness that you would think kids would not want to touch...

Well he was wrong.. the friggin wee babies still wanted the food.

What the hell are we teaching kids to put in our mouths???  Its not the kids.. its the parents.. 

No wonder sex is on the rise with kids.    Peeps promote all kind of bad stuff..




THis is what processed chicken looks like in a factory when done mashing up all the bits that only dogs eat..

I'm Just Saying...

Guys Fight In Public Aid Office

Holy Cat Fight!!!!!

These dudes at a public aid office is totally out of control and I freakin love it!!!

The one dude in the purple has some mean right hooks then stomps around to find some more of who wants a peice of him... them he breaks out in a dance.. and eventually does the bow to the crowds... lord it got my blood pressure up and had to reach for my pills to keep me from having a coronary..

Hey may bow out like a lady.. but he fights like a guy!!

I am cornfused!!!!




I'm just saying..

Sheep Pig?

Who decided that a pig rolling around in its own chit deserves to have wool on its back? 

Someone decided to get a sheep and a pig to do the nasty and make beautiful music together with the fiddles of "Deliverance's" "Dueling Banjoes" while the pig was tied to a tree, squeeling while the sheep was making his way with her.  Ahh.. the good ol days of "Deliverance" with no teef backwards sheeps who were inbred and ruling the forest to the likes of Burt Reynolds, John Voight and Warren Beatty..   Again..  the twang.. of Dueling Banjo's ring in my head unmercilessly and gives me the uneasy feeling that I have to lie flat on my back to protect myself!!



I'm Just Saying...