Baby Rockin to Florence and The Machine

Have to gotta love me sweet baby face hard rocka's.  This poor sweet nuttin of a bugga eatin, diaper crappa, let me eat some shmashed food kinda kid has some serious Rock N Rollin kind of genes. Not the jeans kind so let me splain. 

This kid wants his music, Florence and The Machine, and dont mess with him when he dont get it!!  He really lets you know when he is unhappy and you have no other alternative to provide this sweet face child with the happy sounds he requires and deserves.  I think we have a real head banger on our hands and I am askeared.  I have visions of clown makeup painted on the sweet babies face and some illegal substances at hand.

I KID I KID!!!  nope I dont, I dont..

Insanity At A Subway!!!!

This is your brain on drugs... or maybe vats of alcohol, but watching this scene play out above.. I thought of ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY that was gonna happen..

DON'T TASE ME BRO!!!!!

Just as I was thinking that.. in come the shield carrying brigade armed with tasers slung over their wrists like big ol shotguns...

This guy was such a dipshit.  He was acting all so tough that he even beat up a telephone.

In the end..  he did as I expected.. cried like a baby and nearly sucking his thumb asking for his banky...

 

Woman Solves Wheel of Fortune Puzzle With One Letter

This is just crazy stuff plucked out of a "Good Feeling About It"!!

This woman has identified the first letter "L" in the 7 word phrase and then just decided to solve the puzzle.  Amazeballs..

I bet she was one of those kids in school who had those tight braided pigtails, perfectly clean shoes and white bobbi socks and a plaid skirt who never slouched or picked her nose who raised their hand for EVERY question.

I hated kids like that..

I prefer my Wheel Of Fortune in the casino's where I am a little over zealous, fueled by free watered down cocktails and just waiting for the slot machine to loudly applaud and scream.. WHEEL.. OF.. FORTUNE!!!  while the wheels spins and spins and everyone is looking at me and I am doing the happy dance!

Chuck Norris

Someone sent me a Tweeet today that I should Do a Google search for

"Where is Chuck Norris"

and click on the first option

These are the results you may get:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.


Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

• Run, before he finds you
• Try a different person

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I thought I had too much time on my hands....

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap Episode 6

Well my reality show junkie friends.. we got a guest blogger to recap the new episode and I do love this brand of SHNARK!!!

Sunday nights just got a whole lot better, people. What better way to end the weekend than sitting in front of the ladies from Atlanta? Let's jump right in with Miss Kim. Kimmy Kim Kim. We know you want to be Lady Gaga. We get it. We even have a great name for you - Duchess OMG. Imagine the air kisses you can share with the Countess! Shut the front door! But sweetie, it's just not gonna happen. That's not to say you aren't going to be the best Kim Zolciak ever. We believe you can do it. We're just not with you on the singing thing.

Click Here to Read More fantastic rhetoric from our guest blogger

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Preview

Ok My Reality Junky Friends..  Here is a thread to spew all our shnarks and rants on the Real Housewives Of Altanta tonight at 10:00 PM!!

I hope to have a recap tomorrow of the show by a mystery guest blogger. 

I'm Baaaaack!!!!!

Sorry Peeps.  I have taken a break and will do my best to update more often since I have included more fiber in my diet to be more regular. 

For my cyber friends.. please comment in any fashion that suits you.

OK OK!! I have taken some time off

I have been in FLorida for a more than a few weeks visiting my daughter and her family. 

We went to Disney..  Magic Kingdom and Epcot. 

Ok  a few stories.. 

First off it was a birthday month for both my grand children.. yeah yeah.. I am that old..  soo..  for my wee grandaughter, she had an appointment for the grand salon, Bippity Bobbity Doo!!  Yeah Yeah.. if your old like me, I have no idea what the was until now.  It turns out that Disney found a new way to make money to elicit kids/parents to look like a female Disney Character and make a million.  Well hell yes my daughter bought into the whole shabang and was a bit shmerter.  She got a great costume off of ebay that is worthy of 100 bucks for 15 buckaroonies.  I was SUPPOSED to go with them to the Bippity Boppity Boo chit.. but lord. I traveled for 2 days in a BMW SUV were the passenger seat didnt even recline.. NO SHIT!!  my son in the back seat had no room since Mr Man packs for the apocalypse and I am sure that if we were caught up in something like War Of The Worlds.. we had enough Oatmeal, cheeses, and other chilled fruit in a cooler that housed all his super foods, power bars and all the essentials to power this man to the next city and hotel. I was in awe.  Yes.. he was regular.  Me not so much..  I failed to eat the magic food.

Soo.. back to Driving to Florida ..  We stopped to rest and I was exhausted sitting erect in a car for so many hours.. sleeping in a hotel that took me back to the movie "Vacancy".  I kid you not.. the pool was like WTF.  empty and a lounge chair in the deep end and in the deep end a shallow water of green who who the heck peed in it and ran? 

I instructed all my fellow passengers to just leave all pillows and blankets in the car to not allow any bed bugs or other critters to latch on.  I said three hail marys and what the holy fuck for a good measure.  Bless me father since I am not a proponet for poor sacks who have to reside in these types of dwellings and now I am one of them.  Where the fuck can I redeem my Marriott points!!!

Ok I cant lie.  I started drinking way before the hotel stay.  Lets say 150 miles prior.  By the time I got under the who what covers...  I didnt feel so awful.. Mr Man looked at me like I was a strawberry on top of the cheesecake.  Lord I was flattered...  I certainly obliged.. I now feel more dirty then when we first started and all I had was a toof brush via morning.

I sawear it was the wine that I was sippin out of a jar that travelled so long that was wrapped by an ice bag deep in a thermos bag. I do travel well I must say..

Needless to say.. I arrived safe and sound to my daughters and as you guessed I was not killed.  I dont want to be that famous.  I already am sorta famous.. but dont need that much notoriety.. (hehe)

Ok so we arrived finally in time to only turn around and drive another few hours to arrive to our final destination for a kids birfday weekend and I am done.  No fork needed.  OF COURSE I AM NOT GOING TO THE BIBBITY FUCK SALON!!!  I AM TIRED!!

Forgive me father since I am a lush and just hung over..

Here is the proof of the Bippitty Boppitty Boo with the sweet face LoreLai. 

Isnt she the cutest thing you have ever seen!!!  Now you know why I havent blogged in a looong time.  With a sweet baby like that.. who would??  All my time was marveling over this sweet lass with her smile from ear to ear and just wondering how I am gonna smuggle her out of the Florida home.. Dang.. I failed but all I got is these pictures..

My other Floridian sweet face baby boy Billy. 

Can you believe this tank above JUST turned 4 years old?  This kid is huge and weighs more than me.  (I wish)

My Sweet Baby Patrick

Ok for Twattering purposes.. I am posting this pic for my twattering friends.. Ignore of your not interested.

As a back story.. I dont twat from phone so I dont have that ability to upload pics.. SORRY!!! 

Glee Inspired Emmy's Opening

Alright, I wasn't going to post this video since I thought EVERYONE watched the Emmy's and as I found out this weekend.. nope.. its not true..

I spent time with my brother and his wife this holiday weekend when I tried to engage them in conversation regarding the Emmy's opening number and guess what.. THEY DIDN'T SEE IT!!!

RIGHT???? Thats what I was thinking... TURDS!!!!!!

When you have HUGE nominees like Mad Men and Glee with a host who graces us like Jimmy Fallon, I thought for sure that EVERYONE WOULD WATCH??

So for a few of you turds who have no culture in todays TV, here is the clip of the opening scene for the Emmy's.

Betty White was a fantastic cameo but I have to say.. Don Draper in anything but a suit and a ciggarette hanging from his mouth.. is still sexy.. loved the hippity hop.

If I was Betty White, I woulda slapped that ass.

One last note.. why is Hurely (from Lost) still over weight?? Isnt he eating nuts and berries on that Island?? That to me is a recipe for massive diarrhea which is a diet from the gods..

PS.. Turn the volume on high so you can rock out to my next husband

Tween Does Katy Perry, With Serious Eyebrows!!

Who doesn't love a tween who is imitating life on earth in the art of music as the best as can be??? Yep.. he is doing Katy Perry. This wee tween with a simple look and a stare.. left and right jerks makes this song even more bearable for me.

I am now so wanting more from the young lad who has the skills of arching brows, shifting head left and right and mostly!!! Putting his silvered enamored fists under his chin for more cheese!!!

SOME ONE GIVE THIS BOY A SHOW!! He is everything PereZ wanted to be but FAILED!!!

Realy, doesnt he look like the kid in "Jerry Maguire" with updated glasses and lost the blonde DOO??

GIVE ME MORE GIVE ME MORE!!!

Please god.. make him do Britney!!!

Please make sure you watch the entire video.. It gets more and more entertaining.. I SAWEAR!!!

Daniel Staub Of Real Housewives of Cracked Out McMansions Performs

OH the Humanity!!!! What the Hell was Danielle thinking or even better.. What the hell was her PEEPS thinking when they allowed her to perform this little number??? This must of been a joke of some kind. Maybe Kim G impersonated Danielle's girl friends to encourage her to go out there and make an ass of herself??

I have no words and dont know where to begin since I could only watch 10 seconds of it before the cheese was dripping down my puter screen with vapors of ASS!!!!!

Enter at your own risk peeps. I dont have any workers comp insurance if you become ill and convulse.


 

Fillipino Queens Watching Miss. Universerve Pageant Lose Their Shit!!

First of all, I want to know if there is a forced strict wardrobe requirement when you are watching this pageant show. White tees?? I would think these guys would be sporting ascots and martini's for such an event.

These guys nearly shit their pants in anticipation while supporting their country and when she is finally picked..they literally pass out after having seizures of the pageant kind.

This is too fricken funny..

UK XFactor - Mercy

This is too hysterical and I am wondering how come I dont have access to this show!!

Another great performance by a highly trained opera singer who really hits it home while singing the song "Mercy"

She couldnt of sang a better song with a better title since Mercy is what is required when watching..

Is it me or does she have her own built in Auto-Tune? Is that natural?

***UPDATE*** I guess I wasnt the only one hearing auto tune in the video. Turns out XFactor is guilty of overlaying the AutoTune to hide the fact that they only attract talentless acts!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Big Brother 12 Lane Diddling In The Shower

This is why I should be paying for live feeds. Lane takes his daily shower and tries to convince the audience that he is spending 2 minutes cleaning out his ears with his left hand while his right hand is in hiding..

When your body is shaking from the right handed movement and your head tilts back in an orgasmic state, and you become real still.. I think its safe to assume that Lane is Rubbing One Out..

Now I know what my sons are doing in the long ass showers they take.. Going on a pines sol raid in the tub.. brb

Rescuing Sloths NOT THE GOONIE KIND!!

Ok, the only thing I know about "Sloth's" are from the movie "Goonies" and he was a nightmare until we eventually fell in love with him.

I wanted to adopt Sloth the newly annointed Goony and bring him home and feed him icecream. He could bark that sound he makes all day as long as he protects me from harm and haters on Twitter.

VBS takes us behind the scenes of the Sloth Sanctuary of Costa Rica to meet some of the residents and their "mommies."

Ok truth be told.. I just stole that previous statement from OMGBLOG

These are orphaned babies and I want to adopt one!! Oh, better, I want to go to Costa Rica and provide my services to the sweet face babies who will give me unconditional love regardless how much I drink..



Oh just a side note.. if I had to identify with one sloth from the video.. I would be Delilah. Pulling the blanket over your head was invented by me. Dont look at me!!! I is tired!! I have no makeup on!! My head hurts from too much vino last night!!! BRIGHT LIGHTS!! BRIGHT LIGHTS!!

McNuggut Rampage.. I Am Innocent!!!

Ok, I know most of you peeps have seen this video... but I have to explain myself..

I AM INNOCENT!!!!

That cashier was busting my balls and deserved it. When I asked for fries.. she asked me how would I like that to hurt. When I said huh?? Some other guy said.. she means would you like that to hurt now or later. I had no clue what they were talking about and just wanted my 5 pound burger slathered with pickles wit sauce, lettuce, cheese on a sesame seed bun.. with my jumbo upgraded fries and a wait.. wait.. diet coke.

Hey!! I WANT IT MY WAY!!!!

So I cut a bitch..

Scooter Fail BUT HIGH-LARIOUS!!

I must be the most cynical person out there but I cant help it.  I laughed so hard at this video and like hard.. FOR 3 HOURS!!!  I have the most loudest laugh that I had neighbors that knocked on my door to make sure that I was not being tortured by a tickling session.  Seriously!!  I hate being tickled and if you are bigger than me or chasing me trying to tickle me, I will cut ya. 

Tell me this is not funny..
Update: Ok I posted the wrong link.. here is the Scooter Fail.. The next video is just some kid who got caught on camera scratchin his balls.. lmaoo

Caught on Camera FAIL - watch more funny videos

Erin Markey Does Brittney

Erin Markey beat me to the punch.  I had already decided to throw down a video of me making my great impersonation of Britney singing "Hit Me Baby One More Time" but now its futile.

Instead of me donning my vocals gymnastics, I will instead let you watch Erin.  The head jerks are the funniest..

Kristen Schaal On David Letterman

There is a new gal in tv town and her name is Kristen Schaal.  She somewhat reminds me of Victoria Jackson from Saturday Night Live but all the same.. I am in love with her brand of humor!!

Check out her interview below and I love how she cracks up David.

Mad Men - Don Draper

Where the hell have I been?  I just discovered the show Mad Men and I am totally inlove!!

I heard about the show and instead of starting season 4, of course I had to obtain (dont ask) the first 3 seasons and watch a marathon with Mr Man.

Right out the gate Season 1 Epidose 1 we were impressed!!  What a smart show based in the era which.. er um..  I sort of relate with..  I may now think twice about my mothers admonition that she was a virgin upon her wedding day since they are all doing it in the show in the 60's.  Mom... we gotta talk after I inject you with truth serum.

The show is smart because it splains the ad agency industry and how it evolved starting from the 50's with flashbacks to the 30 - 40's.

Ok, the bigger attraction to the show is none only than DON DRAPER!!!  Oh lord.. what a freakin hunk and I want to bang this man regardless of his wandering eye.  Did I fail to mention that after one episode, you will reach for a bottle of whiskey and a carton of Lucky Strikes??

I so badly want Don (Mr Sexy) thrust a glass of whiskey in my right hand, thrust a lit cigarrete in my left, throw me over his desk, lift up my skirts, undo my garter belts and bang me like no tomorrow!!!  That was a good release..

Every scene has either drinking, smoking or both at all times??  This is a place of work I want to be in.

For peeps who have a special down their need to know.. its on AMC Sunday Nights at 9:00 pm

http://www.bestweekever.tv/ does a great weekly blog with alot of (my fav) shnarky comments and digs into the references made to the era that some on you youngins may not understand..

Lisa Lampanelli on OH God.. I think I suck

 Who does not like Lisa the the Lamp who goes full force and suckin all our dicks!!! Or so she simulates it..   she is just special is all.  Gotta love this woman..

She finds a way to insult EVERYONE and somehow its funny ass shit.  I have never seen anyone else have a comic room full of all races and gets them all to laugh while bashing them all.  She is a freak of nature..


How to Insult ALMOST Everyone...
Uploaded by chicachula. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey - Kids Reenact

I cant believe I found this video.  I was just chatting with someone that this show is like woman fighting over who stole my barbie or did you eat my ice cream cone!!!!

I say we dump the cast for NJ and hire these sweet faces.  They are more interesting and they look cleaner than the RHoNY turds..

Code Word... CHOW PORN!!

This dude is the new Dog Whisperer.  His room mate has a dog he calls MeatWad, and please dont expect me to understand how they came to naming that dog since I dont sport testicles. 

The owner is slacking on taking the dog for a walk where this guy taking the video has decided to step in on the doody patrol.  This guy has to be golden if he is willing to walk the dog with a plastic baggie to eventually scoop up the hot steamy funky cold medena and have it seep through the cheap baggy to his bare hands..

This guy somehow banged it into the dogs head a code word for lifting its leg..  "CHOW PORN"

WTH???  and mostly.. that dog seems to get real excited about it!!

I'm Just Saying,,,

A Wine Glass Made JUST FOR ME!!

via Dlisted

OMG!!!!!  Someone finally made me a wine glass that contains an ENTIRE bottle of vino of my choice!! 

Has someone been peaking into my wish list of vino infused needs?

Now I dont have to repeatedly get up off my vino stained chair and walk in my vino stained socks for a refill!

Again.. one more opportunity that I have missed out on to make my million dolla's so I can build a wine cella the size of the local mall.  Now the only thing I need now is a Barista bar built next to my wine cella incase I will be required to make an appearance outside my vino infused state.  Oh an a Barista Bar Boy too. 

The only real problem or fear I have of this glass is that I have spilled my glass before and mostly greatful that the glass was nearly empty.  Getting up to pour more wine into a new glass was always a relief.

What happens if I spill this glass??  Will I see pink elephants and crying (like Nancy Kerigan)

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????