Kyle's Mom Is A Big Fat Bitch Bitch Bitch

I have only this one thing to say..

My oldest son, his name is Kyle and I am tired of this song following me everywhere..

I know he is good with puters and software.. hmmmm...

I really thought it was a lovely name when I wrote it on the birth certificate..

I'm just saying...

Lucy Ball Demonstrates How We Can Economize During Tough Times.

Blast From The Past is not so irrelevant!

Poor Lucy. She has seen financial woes and we can certainly sympathize with her during our tough times. We all need to economize and stop the unnecessary services we pay for and start doing things for ourselves!!!

- Quit the fake ugly nails, (man do you peeps know how ugly they look? They look like hooks for bugers)
- Quit the Merry Maid Services and git off your arses and do it your damn selves you lazy arses.
- Quit the high fashion names on the most ugly Ho bags I have ever seen and ridiculous clothes. Walmart will readily accept your broke arse credit cards.
- Quit the facials! You can't stop the aging so why pay money pretending you look good?
- Quit the expensive movie theaters! The popcorn, soda and raisin-ettes are costly. Just download the darn movies like I do and hope you don't get caught!
- Quit dining out peeps!! The alcohol is the most expensive part of the meal and you know most of you peeps drink most of your meals.. (drinking at home is most economical and safe.. to say the least..)
- Quit taking your clothes to the dry cleaners and do your own friggin laundry!!!! They can not get out those friggin milky stains off your collar!!!

DO NOT!!! AND I REPEAT.. DO NOT!! DO YOUR OWN HAIR!!! You will end up looking like crack in the can with bad roots.

I'm just saying..

Piranha's Actually Have A Purpose On This Land That Was Made For You And Me..

This guy is one crazy Piranha seeker and you could not pay me enough money for the first minute of this tidbit.

After watching the film, I realized that Piranha's actually have a purpose. They rid the waters of rotting flesh. They only attack animals that don't intimidate them, they take out the weak. WAIT!!!! Is that the same purpose of Elizabeth Hasselback?

HMMMM.........

I'm just saying...

Roseanne Bar Rocks!

At Roseanne's World, she had the following post about Rush which made me throw my fist up into the air and scream "YOU TELL EM SISTA!!"

More Parasites On Your Body Than People In The World!!!

OK This is a follow up to my post of TOTD below and decided to share with you peeps what is crawling on your body. I love to make peeps squirm and freak out where I thought only toilet humor can do it, but I think this is the momma of them all! Now I dare you to get through the whole video without having a bit of reflux.

NOW GO TAKE A SHOWER WITH A SCRUB BRUSH AND LYE!!!

I'm just saying...

A Dalmation Rides A Bike?

OK, I gotta get this dog! I could use some help around the house and running errands and Dogs are more obedient than kids. I wonder what else that dog can do?

I guess I could put scrub brushes on his feet to assist in swabbing the decks at home, or maybe... he can push the lawn mower but I wonder if he could keep straight lines.. hmmm.. Maybe he can also push the vacuum cleaner.. I don't care about the lines on the carpet like I do the lawn.

Ch Ch Check out my future mommies helper...

TOTD - (Thought of the Day) A Mother Ponders

Hmmmmmmm...



Let's say you woke up to the bright lights in the house due to the reflection of the snow and you saw every bit of yuck gracing your beloved home. You made some tea, then some more. Blogged a bit, and read a few posts. You had finally decided your home is no longer beloved.

Eventually you got up and started to give your home an enema! Out with the dust, in with the disinfectant! You dust, scrub, cleanse and vacuum like its aerobics on a DVD. I am panting, sweating and my face is like a salt lick and my eyes are burning. I settle down for a few minutes and decide to jump into the shower. While I am in the bathroom, I can't help myself. I scrub some more, disinfect some more, then finally run the hot water to rid the body of all the parasites where the number of parasites is more than the people on earth.

I emerge from the bathroom all fresh and shiny, pressed clothes.. glide down the stairs with the dregs of the earth lifted off my shoulders and body...

Then..

My boys one by one ask me..

"Mom? Who is coming over?"

"No one why?"

"Well your cleaning like Christmas"

"Well I am not getting the freaking tree out or making a ham"

"Mom, where are you going?"

"No where, why?"

"You took a shower... thought you might be going out.."

Can't a woman just take care of business without the scrutiny of her hygiene?

Hmmmmm... Out of the mouths of babes..?????


My mom of course chimes in..

OH!!! Are we a lady now??? I didn't recognize you....

OMG I am gonna move to a friggin island with no cell phone service with laser beams on shark heads directed to my home in Joisey.

I'm just saying...

Last Weeks Roundup Of News and Blues

In cased you missed all the news of the past week, we have a recap for you slackers. Now git on your serious news folks and make a difference in the world. QUIT BLOGGING!!!!!

Yikes, I better take my own advice..

Rush Limbaugh Is Taking Action To Recruit Female Groupies

Lord Have Mercy!!! Clue Less and Delusional, Rush is looking to get some bush, in his groupie crowd. He doesn't understand why us chickadees don't like to listen to blow hard hot air and he created this groupie recruiting tidbit below. He is tired of the all the man love in his corner and wants to try his hand out on new body parts.

Uh Rush??? Maybe us skirts are just not that into you?? Ya think?

I'm just saying...

Margaret and Helen ROCKS!!

Margaret and Helen are 2 amazing 80's something woman who just tell it like it is and call it out in print. These woman drew a lot of attention during the election and I can't even imagine the hits they have by just looking at the number of comments per post. They had thought the fuss over their website would die down after the election but the fire in Helen's bottom due to the election like most of us, has her eyes and ears open and doesn't hesitate to tell it like it is from all their 170 years of experience combined.

This is refreshing and entertaining as Helen is the majority contributor to the site and by the content of the postings, most peeps think she is really a college student working on a paper of some sort. Either way.. I am entertained and laugh out loud from the candid wisdom.

Helen's latest postings are an 8 part review of "Ann Coulter the Tranny Mess" latest book. She started the reading and review of the book for Margaret so she would not have to damage her eyes or brain. Helen thinks she is tougher.

Go check out the ladies words of wisdom.

Best Phone Prank Gone Wrong!

The lil tidbit below is all kinds of LOL. This kid has alot of nerve to get this poor mom all up in a tizzy which would be my worst nightmare.. but I still can't help but laughing!!! The funniest parts are the pranker trying to conceal his laughter. Go pee first for my friends who have weak bladders...

I'm just saying..

Drunkin Animals, Looks Like Friday Night Blogging At Watching The View

This lil tidbit below was filmed by me while attending happy hour at one my favorite blog sites.

Now I seem to recognize a few peeps. This is too funny watching the elephant fall and can't get up.

Ch Ch Check it out..

The New Republican Slogan

I don't like to usually help promote any material for the right mongerss.. but I have a change of heart and decided to be fair and balanced.. just like FOX news...

I feel so much better now about myself...

I'm just saying..

New Republican slogan from Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay

Elephant Sanctuary - Elephant Chooses Dog As Life Partner

Okay, before you press play, get out your hankies because this lil tidbit below has the biggest AWE EFFECT possible.

This video has a bigger message. If a huge elephant and a wee dog can learn to love and apreciate each other in life,

Why cant we all learn to get along???

I'm just saying...

Porn in the USA: Conservatives Are Biggest Consumers

OK I am just laughing me arse off just by the caption alone. You know those right mongers who are anti choice but want to own as many guns as they can afford, additionally support torture and the death penalty? Yeah those guys, who combine all those values coupled with Christianity?

Well those same guys are now the proud majority of purchasing PORN!!! in the US!!

The biggest consumer, Utah, averaged 5.47 adult content subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users. This report is pretty revealing. Ga ahead and ch ch check it out.

I'm just saying...

Teenage Girl Attacked In Jail Cell

LETS CUT HIS NUCKING FUTZ OFF!!!!

OK peeps, I don't usually post serious stuff here or use non disguised bad language, but this one just pisses me off!

"In the video, a deputy kicks the girl, pushing her back toward the wall. The deputy then strongly backs the girl against the wall, and slams her to the floor by grabbing her hair. A second deputy enters the holding cell, while the first deputy holds the girl face down to the floor. The first deputy appears to hit the girl with his hands. The girl is then lifted up and led out of the cell while the first deputy holds her hair."

The girl is 15 years old peeps! This is A total outrage and I call for the girl down a few posts who squeezed her boy friends testicles to a lovely shade of blue to visit this poor excuse of a man while he is stripped nude and shackled to the wall to perform her magic on him for like... umm.. 4 HOURS!!!!

You can read more about it here...




This is police brutality at its best. It wouldn't be any less disgusting if this was a teenage boy instead of a girl. The turd actually pleaded not guilty and said that 80 pound girl tried to assault him with her shoe.

I'm just saying....

What The Buck Show

Mr Buck has an amazing perspective on the Oscars and its all LOL.



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I'm just saying...

Nucking Futz!!!

What kind of schitz is this????? I had no clue that my Princess Obama Baby Mama was in distress!!! I guess all the fabulous appearances of our lovely lady in all the glamour and glitz is a vice for denial.. How did the vetting of President Obama get past this??? How is it that the Ragazine got he scoop on this and not the right mongers????

Supposedly, our prince valiant has a gay and drug obsession and our poor first lady is in MAJA distress over the news. Hearing that your faithful, intelligent and the head of all families in the country has a secret life is always shocking and holy chit news to all!!!

I would imagine that the picture on the magazine cover with Obama's shirt off gave a HUGE CLUE!!! Anyone male who would stroll the beach topless is certainly suspect because he looks to normal..

Well if he was gay.. I am sure he would ban prop 8 and that's not bad. If he was a druggie.. he would allow the poor peeps in serious medical conditions to toke the bong to allow the ugly chemo symptoms to go away..

Either or.. GAY's AND A POT HEAD's ARE GOOD FOR OUR SOCIETY!!

I'm just saying...

The Lovely Face of a Ball Crusher

Isn't that face sweet and innocent? Well folks, don't judge a book by its cover. This cute lass has been arrested for.. wait.. here it comes..

"squeezing the chit out of her man's testicacles"

I kid you not. This gal was an off and on girlfriend of the most deserving boy and when he tried to break it off with her for the 20th time, she decided to make it hurt. I am not sure what he did to provoke her, but I am sure she is justified. Just because she came to his home in the wee hours and was screaming and yelling and maybe would wake the neighbors IS NO REASON TO JAIL THE LOVELY WOMAN!!!!

Yep, she did the ol' come hither honey.. let me ... uh.. GRAB UR NUTZ AND MAKE YOU SCREAM!!!!!!

I say we just get together and create a fund to free this woman then give her a medal. OH WAIT!!! I got the best medal eva!! As previously posted in another thread on a different subject.. THE TRUCK NUTZ MEDAL!!



Here is the actual police report which describes the horrific but yet hysterical ordeal. My best part is when asked the dude how it felt.. he said.. "Yeah, it hurt alot" MAN UP DUDE!!!

I'm just saying...

Mug Shot Hall Of Fame - Holy Valentine Head!!

Ok Peeps, I thought I saw everything. Consider this a belated valentines gift for all my friends because I just heart you. <3

This a hunka hunka lova boy who presents his love for all of us each day and night. You can't help but look at this work of art and feel the love!!! His beard totally lends to the complete look and I am overwhelmed with a warm fuzzy feeling. Oh crap.. thats me peeing myself from laughing so hard.

I'm just saying...

Friday Night Song - Erykah Badu "Tyrone"

Tyrone
Uploaded by esoterian

Peeps.. you may have seen this a few times, but it don't ever get old. Erykah is the baddest chick to ever sing about a losa of a man. Wait.. did she date my ex-husband??

and you can't use my phone....

I'm just saying...

The Teenager Deterrent - I GOTTA GIT ME ONE!

What will they think of next? This site here.. has a sound that can usually be heard by teenagers primarily. The more you hear it, the more it is supposed to annoy you. So someone had the bright idea that if only kids can hear it.. not us old peeps, then maybe we should broadcast this noise in like say.. MALLS!!! Outside the 7-Eleven!!

Well I am trying to get a loan to install the device in my home. I am thinking the kids will flee the nest and give me more room for gym equipment and guest rooms.

The only downfall is.. I CAN HEAR THE FRIGGIN NOISE!!! What a crock

I'm just saying...

Smell My Finger!!

Mexican Gas Chamber

This picture needs no dialogue. Smell is a torture zone and peeps if you hung out with my grand babies and changed their diapers.. this would be so relevant. I AM IN HELL!!!

Funny Jokes Of The Day

The Why ' s of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX
(because they are plugged into a genius)
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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don ' t have enough time)
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don ' t stop to ask directions)
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
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(You ' re laughing, aren ' t you?!?!)

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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won ' t hump women ' s legs at cocktails parties)
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7 . HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don ' t know.....it never happened)
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( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

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And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can ' t mow the lawn)
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Remember, if you haven ' t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine? '
'It depends, ' I replied. ' What does it say on your shirt? '
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .. '
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, ' I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. '
The woman replies, ' I ' ll miss you... '
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today, ' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, ' honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this? '
'Probably that I married you for your money, ' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder ' Instruction Manual. '
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