Grandchildren Are For Visiting.. Only.. I GOT GIPPED!!

Holy babysitting folks. I got totally punked when my daughter asked me to watch the kids overnight since she had an early morning court hearing. I thought I maaaaaybe could help out and told her to come get the kids A.S.A.P. and no lolly gagging after the hearing. Okay.. you may be curious about the hearing. She had to go to court since her wee mini daschund had attacked a neighbors pet Duck. She was being sued for like $120,645.92. Okay I exaggerate but OMG!!

Ok back to the real story. I call her the next morning to see how court is going and SHE DIDN'T GO!!! She is sick as a dog (or a duck) and can't even get out of bed and her husband went by himself to defend the family honor and bank account.

Ok, now its like 3 DAYS LATER and the kids are still shmearing buggers on my couch! I have mashed bananas and granola in my carpets and crayon on the walls!!! The whole last three days were trying to find the friggin pacifiers to silence the riff raff and keeping peace between the two most competitive babies I have ever seen!! I swear!! If poor wee Lorelai found a lint in the carpet.. BILLY WANTED IT!!!

They both don't sleep at the same time (Lorelai up all night last night) and I am even too exhausted to drink!!! Yes peeps!! you heard it hear first.. I am actually too tired to drink!!!!! Did I tell you the ages - Billy 2 1/2 Lorelai 1 1/2. Yes peeps I have dirty diaper stink on my furniture and hands and when ever I smell a hiney wipe, I only smell poop!!!!!


I haven't showered in days and my face is a salt lick from running around the house to catch a perp in motion.

CALGON!!!!!!!!!!!! I did my time raising the 4 of my own and when do I get taken away ?????????????????? I had used all the cough medacine and nyquil to knock them out and had to resort to the whiskey. Kept dipping the binkies in ova and ova till I saw results..



Ok, good news.. the baby daddy just came and got the rug rats.. I can start to update the blog and catch up on my shows and maybe.. just maybe rinse the stink off me... YIPPEEE!!!!!!

Ok, the bad news.. I just received notice that tomorrow morning, the electric company is working on a local transformer and I will not have electricity all morning and afternoon. NO TV!!! NO PUTER!!! NO BLOGGING!!!!..

Holy crap.. guess what.. I have to go my daughters to weather out the storm!!!!!!!!!! MORE OF THE SAME BABIES!!!!!!!!

LORD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!



P.S. I would like to thank the following people who helped me get bye...

Mibi - for her best wishes
NanC - for offering to help out and thinking.. that the best exhaustion is from grandbabies.. WAKE UP WOMAN!!!
Roga Dahlink - for alerting Joey that I am overwhelmed and need help
Joey - For bringing that pitcher of Martini's which I sucked up with a straw.

A video of Erica's rugrats, mostly Billy which does not make up for all the sleepless nights. BUT TOO CUTE!! Ok fair warning... tilt your head to the side cause my daughter just wants to mess with us. Additionally, did you see the size of this 2 year old??? He is in the largest size for baby diapers.. 7 I think and he fills them like a middle aged line backer who eats lots of carbs for the big game!! NO CHIT!!!!

Mickey Rourke Accepts Spirit Award

HOLY CRAP!! Thank God I told him not to acknowledge me for the muffin baskets!!!

Micky.. is just.... Mickey.. Lawd Have Mercy of all his skills in accepting an award and thanking peeps. Take a gander and the King and all his verbal skills at the spirit awards. He took the house down with his candor and verbal repertoire. I give the man kudos to his what the fwuck attitude and just say it like it is..

A tidbit that is too much..





Ok one final thingy.. WTF is up with Philip Seymour Hoffman with that hat? He wore the same fugly hat at the Oscars and I am getting to think he don't give a chit!! No FUGLY HATS AT THE AWARDS SHOW!!

Ok I feel better...

I'm just saying..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNIE!!!!

One of my favorite bloggers Berndoubt's birfday is today and I just wanted to WISH HER A BIG FAT WISH.. or 2!

Ok I wish you......

Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death

You're another year older and another year wiser
So put your brain to work
And figure out there ain't no gift for you.

Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past, you can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.

Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.

Another year, another new place then aches.

To the nation's best kept secret; Your true age.

Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

Better to be over the hill than burried under it.

You are only as old as you act, and girl.. you must be 14!!!!!!!!!

So many candles... so little cake.

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened

Age is a number and yours is unlisted

Looking 44 is great - if you’re sixty four (with tassles)

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

And My Favorite...

Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"

Bernie Baby.. here is a Bloody mary for you my dear!! Have fun!!

Sally Fields "You Like Me!! You Really Do Like Me!"

Ok this would be my acceptance speech at the Blog Awards for the deranged and cornfused. I wish they had a category for me.. But if they did.. I would wear the most ostentatious gown littered with glitter and stars.. cause.. cause.. I AM A STAR!!! GOD DARNIT!!! I AM A STAR!!! If the lord saw it fit to make sure that I am seen as the "gods gift" that I am.. this would be my acceptance speech...

Kathy Griffin Award Speech.. SUCK IT JESUS!

Okay Okay peeps.. I know I said the below post was the best eva.. BUT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT MY GIRL KATHY!!!!

What girl can receive an award and scream blasphemy at the same time!! YES ITS KATHY GRIFFIN!!!! Ok Ok, we all know we can't use terms of sacrilege.. but we certainly can excuse Kathy Griffin since she is.. um.. lets see.. Irish.. Catholic.. AND A RED HEAD!!!! She has all the byes in the world!!!!

Kathy's speech is legendary and ballsy.. My kinda gal..

I'm Just saying..

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto Oscar Speech

The Im Just Saying Award for the best Oscar speech goes to........ drum roll...............

MR ROBOTO!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes peeps, Kunio Kato who won for Short Film Animated and had the best speech eva!!!!

Okay, if you were not watching... he is Japanese. Has a funny accent and a HUGE sense of humor. Now when I was in San Diego recently, I was consulting for a Japanese company and we would go around saying.. Hi! Hi! (say it with a closed throat and very fast and forceful) and the other thing we would say is, Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto... it became infectious.

HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
So havy. Sank you berry much.
Sank you, my suppatas.
Sank you, all my stuff.
Sank you, my pencil. - I swear. thats what he said..
Sank you, Akadomy.
Sank you, anamashawn.
Sank you my company, Robot.
Domo arigato, Mista Roboto.
Sank you berry much.

TRANSLATED ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
So heavy.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, my supporters.
Thank you, all my staff.
Thank you, my producer. I am pretty sure that is what he meant
Thank you, Academy.
Thank you, animation.
Thank you my company, Robot.
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
Thank you very much.

I'm just saying...




Okay.. for you bone headed peeps who don't get the Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto reference, well first of all. Domo Arigato in Japanese means.. Thank you or Sank You. And the most important part is the song.. see below if you never listened to STYX before..

Ross The Intern Meets Steve Irwin (For Berndoubt)

Heya Peeps!!! Its Oscar night and I wish I could present the following clip to the Academy for a potential award. I would say category...... FUNNIEST MAN WITH A screeching HIGH VOICE!!

Now the clip below is a pre fit Ross and one of his first segments on The Tonight Show and I can no longer find the better segments on youtube anymore. Their were so many I was gonna post but it looks like NBC got them pulled.

I guess Jay was too jealous of the Ross Mania and rabid fans.

I'm just saying...

Sunday Afternoon TV Viewing

Ok Peeps, this tidbit is dedicated to couch potatoes of a lazy Sunday Afternoon.

Inside Dish With Ross Mathews

Peeps, I gotta tell you, I am an UBER fan of Ross Matthews for years and am a bit hesitant with his move from The Tonight Show to The Insider. He also has moved his blog to a new location and that makes me nervous too. I HATE CHANGE!!!!


Ok below is his first tidbit with "The Insider" and for me the Jury is not out yet..

Wife Swap Stephen "Douchebag" Fowler Is Bigger Than I thought!!!

Holy crap!!! I was looking for some news info in lieu of blog info on this Stephen "Douche bag" Fowler and initially found this news clip:



So I created the post and needed to come up with more dialogue.. did some more surfing and found this!! Huffpost is also talking about this douche bag and I felt like I struck gold!!! Too bad I don't have the ability to fling my virtual gold rock into this turds face! See below for link for what Huffpost has to say.. Um.. don't compare me to the writers there. They don't use words like: um.. douche bag and OMG..

Huffpost Link

Wife Swap Biggest A-Hole - Stephen Fowler

One my favorite guiltiest pleasures in TV is Wife Swap. Yeah yeah.. you can judge me all you want but who doesn't love to watch 2 families collide in culture, child rearing and morales!!!! ME!!!! or I wouldn't have the inspiration to write this post.

The setup:

International Family - Educated, world traveled, educated, hard pushing parent, educated, judgemental, educated got sticks up their ares.. and and.. did I say educated?

Midwestern Family - Paint Ball loving, fun loving, fast food loving.. letting out your waist line in your pants loving... and and.. not so educated.

This is a perfect setup for good TV and I quickly got my soda and popcorn.

Okay, I thought my favorite episode was the one with the French husband who cooks bread all day and was the most hysterical cat yet on the show..

NOWWWW.. I got one different.. The most ignorant UK dude I have ever seen and I have seen a few! Every now and then I encounter a Brit who thinks they are god's gift.. but this guy takes the cake. In the end.. this man has totally verbally abused this Midwestern housewife and managed to insult the entire population of the Midwest. The woman predicted that when the show airs.. he should be waiting for quite a few Midwesterners to come pummel his skinny green arse.

Well it appears that did happen and this man is now receiving many death threats and is being harassed relentlessly. He is the subject of almost every blog and has already 50,000 hits on Google search! Someone even established a web site dedicated to peeps just to bash the arse hole! There is a whole American movement to blacklist this guy from just about anything, oh and get this, his wife is a life coach!!!

HAH!!! KARMA IS A BITCH!!!!

Ok time to check out the highlights on the show, and if you click on this link for YouTube, you can check out the entire episode.

Holy Bird Hunting!!!

Holy crap peeps.. this tidbit has scientist crazy figuring out why or how this bird is hunting/fishing for wee fish like an expert fisherman! Check out this bird throw out his bait.. wait.. reposition the bait.. and then go in the for the kill.

Ok this is nothing short of me baiting my kids and trap scenario. That's right.. I throw a fricken bone.. wait for the bait... YES!!! they go for the bait and lo and behold!! The believe me that they are adopted and if they wish to keep living in my home.. they must scrub the floors, cook my meals and tell me how gorgeous I am.. by the hour.

Hey whats the use of kids of you can't use them and abuse them and get a free pedicure at the same time??? I do worry when they have the blade in the device that shaves my feet thou..

I'm just saying...

Unusual Things In This World

This video displays pictures of incredible sites and creatures around the world. Song is by Chris Daughtry "Its Not Over". Now.. for some reason, the blood sucking bed bugs look similar to my ex-husband and the chorus of the song keeps replaying in my head;

Funny Things Kids Say..

Okay no explanation.. and I SWEAR these are not my grandchildren.. How I would only hope that they are old enough for me to manipulate them.. Watch out future.. I could be the next Youtube Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM GONNA KICK UR ASS!!! per the little girl

Ok Lady and Germs.. this lil lady can KICK UR ARSE!!!

Dats right she got all the moves and words. I am pretty sure you have seen this before. but its a gift that keeps on giving..

The Fruit Cake Lady Strikes Again!!!

Lord I love that woman... she tells it like it is and takes no prisoners. Please don't ask her how to vote. I am not in the mood for the lecture..

TRUCK NUTZ PEEPS!!! Say that with a mouth full

Holy crap peeps.. some peepers got issues with the TruckNutz!!.. Okay I been a TruckNutz supporter since foorreeva! I donate regularily and even attend the functions. But to get all wacked on the Nutz?? I am just cornfused.

Who in their right mind would be cornfused on these knutzs!! I love them.. I embrace them.. I can just kiss them to death!! (yikes I some stickly thingys on my chin)

Anywho.. watch this tidbits who are emrbroiled in banning the Knutz!!

I'm just saying..

MOMMMYYY!!!!! Come Wipe My Butt!!!

OMG.. While I was looking for the What What video below.. I came across this little tidbit and it reminded me of when I used to work from home managing projects. I thought I was so smart... Home office, saved money on babysitting since my 15 year son then was not yet in school and was potty training. Problem was, I had a bird, dog and toddler who made taking conference calls difficult.

Ok, I had this big conference call with my RVP and the client RVP and I had prepared all the documents, conference links, etc. I thought to myself.. ok.. the dog.. feed lots of food, water and put out tons of treats. The bird.. stock him with lots of dried food to snack on cause he was a Sun Conure and loud as heck to get my attention. Now the sweet pea boy.. ok I lined up the counter with PBJ, drink boxes and a variety of snacks. Ok I was ready for the call.

15 minutes in the call, I hear behind me in the bathroom.. MOMMMMYYYY!!! Come wipe my hiney!!! I was like oh crap.. and I just tried to cover the phone. (no mute in those days) Then I hear it again but louder.. MOMMMMYYY!!!! COME WIPE MY HINEY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying desperately to keep focused on the conversation since we were negotiating fees and I was scribing down the minutes. Then I hear it even louder then louder.. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY COME WIPE MY HIIIIIIIINEYYYYYYY!!! Then all the voices on the phone became silent when my RVP spoke up and said.. "Who is working from home?". I said ummm brb...

Lord have mercy!!!!!!!! I ran in the bathroom, cleaned up the boy and ran back to the phone and nearly passed out at the same time!!!

Moral of the story... Don't let your kids shit where you work.

I'm just saying....

What What In My Butt

Okay Peeps, as I described earlier.. (2 posts down). I have a new follower to my blog and I think he is my ex boyfriend and won't take NO for an answer. If you haven't taken a peek at his website yet, (first you must down a half gallon of vodka prior to viewing) you are missing out. Below is a little tidbit I found that I think is a perfect dedication to his web site. It would be better if I was singing the song but you can visualize:

Student Arrested For Classroom Texting

HOLY TEXTING!!!!!! A 14 year old Wisconsin girl had been arrested IN HER MATH CLASS because she would not stop texting!! FER REAL!!!! She was actually booked on charges of Disorderly Conduct. 14 years old? FOR THE LOVE OF TEXTING PEEPS!!! That could of been my kid or yours????

What ever happened to detention? You remember detention right? Either a Saturday or weekday all day or after school punishment where you sat in a class with the kids who were the class clowns, the drunkies, pot heads and the sluts who got caught having sex in the stairwells. What ever happened to suspension???? You remember when you got suspended from school? It was like a week long snow day!!!!

Or.. Or .. what ever happened to just whacking the kids across the hand with a ruler!!!!



Seriously folks.. we now call the cops on 14 year old girls? Are they that threatening now? Was she texting that sexy stuff?

IAH - I am horney
THFT - Too hot for teacher
CILBAH - Crap I left BOB at home
TBHAGP - That boy has a great package
And my favorite...
CMBWBFO - Chit my Ben Wa Balls fell out

I'm just saying.....

PPPPSSTTT!!! Enter If You Dare!!

OMG. I got a new follower on my blog here and was Soooooo excited, I knew I had to check them out! I didn't check out the profile and just went right to his site.

OMFG!!!!!!!! How did he find me??? I think this is one of my ex boyfriends and if you dare to click on his site.. you will know why we are no longer together! Ga Head I dare you!! (not for the faint of heart. Okay.. even a stronger warning.. It freaked even ME out! Its on the right under the area follow this blog. Its the one in the middle.

Take A PEEK!!!!



Ok.. why did you listen to me? HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just saying..

What The Buck Show

Ok I am a little late in posting his latest rants and raves.. but PEEPS!!! I cant get enough of this dude!!! He says everything you are thinking and more! He is like a male.. um er.. male version of me with a camera.

Ch Ch Check him out below his latest entertainment news:




More on him and Octo Mom!! (I thought I posted this one, but forgot.. too many chicken nuggettini's

Is It Peanuts or PENIS?!?!?!?!

I don't care too much for peanuts since they are low on the food chain for nuts. I don't eat just any nut. I like the kind of nuts that make my hands sticky and are finger licken good.

Yep Honey Roasted nuts. (What the heck where you thinking?)

Below is a tidbit from a CNN news anchor who doesnt seem to know the difference between peanuts and penis. I am wondering what she had for breakfast..

I'm just saying...

This Is Why You're FAT!!!

Holy Gross!!! I have posted before regarding This Is Why You're Fat Website spreading the news of the most puss exploding looking food I have ever seen.

They have posted a new disgusting item that is one my most important food groups.. A MARTINI!!!!! Who does this to the blessed martini's??? I am sure some of you peeps may agree with me... Please chime in and save the MARTINI!!!




Now this martini does not have a blue cheese stuffed olive or for some other gross peeps.. you know who you are.. an anchovie stuffed olive swimming in the best vodka money can buy..

The most offensive thing about this puss exploding looking Martini is the Chicken McNuggets on the rim where the rim is laced with.. wait.. wait.. BBQ SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!.

WHO VIOLATES THE CODE OF MARTINI'S????

On annuda note.. do you peeps know what this chit is made from?? Ok guess.... ga head and try.. ok take a peek below...




Thats right peeps.. when you suck down the Chicky Nuggys.. you are really eating Pink Poo. NO CHIT!!!!

Ok.. the final "Pièce De Résistance" is the recipe for the pukey cocktail.. I know you peeps are either
A. wondering.. or
B. wanting to shake up that fatty arse cocktail..

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

Ok now meet the pukey woman who made up this remedy. I am sure these gals had one Martini too many and later puked their guts up due to not eating. I believe they wanted to create the ultimate alcoholic beverage where the benefits at the same time is protein, dairy, condiments, fat and pink poo.

Ok Now we all Puke..

I'm just saying...

Wario Land SHAKE IT!!!!!! (Wii)

Last week my 15 year old had some friends over and I found the 3 of them sitting on the steps with my 18 year old, with their cell phones in their hand shaking it violently infront of them low enough to get a good shaka shaka shaka. I stopped myself short and just glared at the boys with a whole lotta crazy chit in my mind that was not allowed to come to my tongue. It turns out they were playing this new game on their cell phone.. and the purpose and name of the game can be left up to your imagination. The winner is who finishes first. Needless to say I have confiscated all cell phones.. What happened to using the phone to make calls???
UPDATE: My 18 year old son just told me the cell phone game is I-Jack. Hmmmmmm I have a feeling most teen age boys are downloading this game. I better check my cell phone bill for porn charges..

Anywho.. below is a tidbit of Alec Baldwin playing a similar game with his sons using a Wii. Same concept.

Ch Ch Check it out.




Who needs visual aids any longer to bast off your rocket?????....

I'm just saying...