Mr Man is Pissed.. Again.. Early Morn..

This is categorized under WTF.  Mr Man is an aficionado of Oatmeal... Yes peeps you heard me right.  He has lost like 20 pounds pummeling down the gookey food but perfecting his own recipe with protein powder, mashed banana, a secret recipe topped with cinnamon, walnuts and fresh blueberries.  I decided to get on his instant fat burning kick and when he makes his witches brew each morning, he makes me a cute wee bowl in a fancy shmancey glass bowl that was made to present the best of dips to the chips and I am so impressed.

I am already up this morn and he is tasking away in the kitchen making his special special brew and was wishing quietly he used bourbon in lieu of water but shit.. You cant ask for much.

Turns out after making this special brew and setting up all the bowls of the day..  he came to me and asked if the dishwasher was clean.  I was like.. How The fark would I know?? Check the glasses on the top of the rack in the dishwasher.  If they have a pool of water on the glasses.. yep.. they are clean..

HOLY CHIT!!!  SOMEONE CALL 911!!!  I heard weird sounds of oatmeal being slammed into the sink and he peaked around the wall and said.. wait..  "I AM NO LONGER MAKING THIS FOR YOU ANY MORE!!!"

Ok now time to contain my gurgling laughter, must put on a good face.. PLEASE OH PLEASE DON'T LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

I kindly tell the Mr Man.. "its not my fault you didn't use clean dishes..  "  Ok when I said that, I cowarded into the corner and waited.  Waiting to see if he would pull out the magic pot to mix up a new brew. 

As I sit here I don't even know if he is cooking again or scratching his ass with the bloody spoon..

If you don't hear from me in 2 days.. please send a rescue squad.  I may be buried in the garden topped with oatmeal..  Please send donations to my childrens college fund.

My Sleeping Habits Disturb Mr. Man

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I had a rough night sleeping last night.  The wee Grand Baby woke me up a few times in the middle of the night and I could not get back to sleep.  Nothing like the hard shake on the shoulder of a wee child saying.. Grandma..  GRANDMA!!!  I was sleeping on the couch and the wee child wanted to tell me that my TV show was over.. LIKE 10 TIMES!!!  I think he wanted to watch one of his kid friendly shows.  It was 1:30 A.M. in the friggin morning!!!

 I tried really hard to go back to sleep but with all my hormonly issues..(Is hormonly a word??  It is to me!)    I tossed and turned with the sweats and the chills and the sweats and the chills.. over and over again..   There should be no shortage of water if they sipphoned off my body in the middle of the night...  (DUNE!!) 

Anyway..

I was up most of the night and early this morning I decided to take a nap.  Mr Man came upstairs to retrieve something, woke me up..  (yes he did, I get no sleep) and informed me that if I wanted to continue sleeping, I should not stretch across the bed or lay in the middle of the bed when he returned from his workout in the gym when he would stretch out and diddle on his puter and maybe watch some news. 

I picked myself up and just looked at him. 

I wondered.. how do I control myself in my sleep due to his liking?  How do I maintain my menapausel moments in deep REM sleep and keep this man happy?  Why the fuck did he wake me up??? Why am I asking myself so many questions that I can not even answer?? 

 I found there was this low gurgle in my throat, had this WTF look on my face and just looked at this man who was serious as a heart attack.  I DO NOT LIE!!

  I asked him to repeat himself so I understood him better with  a look on my face that he saw too many times and he gave me that look like holy shit.  She is gonna trap me into something I said but I have no clue what I said.. 

He is not a Christain but I saw him suddenly pray to Jesus for a way out of this conversation and also praying for holy water and some garlic cause I was gonna get all midieval on his ass and I wasn't letting go.  I prodded and poked and he tried to justify himself but I wanted a true explanation in the only way he could explain it to the menapausal woman of the world that I am and I was waiting with folded arms across my chest..in a hurrummppp.  

  He just stood there in fear and finally his arms fell hard on the sides of his body, he sighed..   lowered his head and had that look of defeat. 

Ahhh.... my work was done..

Moral to the story.. don't fuck with a woman's sleep when she is "Menapausaly" and think you would live to tell the story..   admit defeat and move on...

I'm just saying..