I Was ill

Holy Crap.. someone give me mouth to mouth.. I serious.... Its early for the Easter Bunny but he cares...

Green Bagels And the "Ham"

My Mom was shopping earlier in the week and was in the bakery section when she spotted the green bagels. Of course the grocery store took an opportunity to capitalize on the holiday and it worked on my mom.

She quickly grabbed the bagels, came home, and proudly announced she purchased GREEN BAGELS!!! She sought out each person in the house to make this announcement and was proud of herself for her St. Patricks Day Contribution.

As I make my Corned Beef and Cabbage I do not seek out the appreciation for the laborious meal that cooks for hours and heats up my house with the stench of cabbage no matter how good it tastes. My mom is an attention seeker and she seems to think that bagels where worthy of all the "pats" on the back. I always seem to take every opportunity to point out my mom's craziness and then.. I start to feel guilty.. for a minute or two.

“Lord, please help me to stop being this way. Forgive me of my sins and help me to not feel this way. Please take these feelings away and give me the right ones. Please keep me from going to hell.”

A day or so goes by and the Mr Man says to me, "Aileen! The bagels are green!?!?" I said.. yes dear they are.

Then he asks.. "Whats wrong with them?"

I stood back, just stared at the man, then patiently said.. Honey.. St Patricks Day is coming up. OK.. Then he says... "But that's not until Tuesday?"

Please shoot me now.. I live in a house with peeps who don't have a clue and I feel like the only sane one.

I'm just saying...

At My Finest - Girl Gone Wild!

This was so many years ago and now I have been found out and posted on girls gone wild!!!! Ok I was drunk and ate too many brownies for the nerve. I was dared into performing my oscar award winning dance and now it has resurfaced!!!

Please please don't judge me.

Thank god their is no audio with all the hootin and hollerin going on. I did look good I must say...

Did Someone Say Bomb?

I keep thinking of Ben Stiller in 'Meet The Parents'

Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Bomba Bomb!

Lord have mercy!! Put 10,000 high heeled woman on a sidewalk who have standing around since the early morn, starving for their 2 grapes and a cup of coffee, who has an urgent need to pee... Then scream...

BOMB!!!!

This just cracks me up! I could see the headlines,

Woman trampled by 10,000 high heeled models wannabe's. Thankfully they all had eating disorders so the damage was from heel puncture' only.

How else do you expect all these woman to react with only 10,000 brain cells collectively between them all?

I'm just saying...

Turtle Rapes Shoe - Needs glasses

Our Newest little tidbit is too funny to watch! We got a turtle mistaking an old stinky tennis shoe as a mate but he sure does look like he is enjoying anyway. Peeps, take note on what a real orgasm looks and sounds like. Me on the other hand has to use a pillow.

This so reminds me of my Ex waking me up in the middle of the night drying humping my leg in my sleep.

This also reminds me of a Bird we once had. His was a Sun Conure names Tommy who loved my Ex and loved to snuggle with him. When the Ex was lounging out straight on the couch, the bird would waddle on down to his sock covered big toe and hump his big toe all the time! I was pretty sure he had some illegitimate bird/men out there in the wild somewhere..

I'm just saying...

Have You Ever Been In This Situation Before?

20 Years Of Marriage

Now Normally I would say:

The End

But you know.. Thats it's not The End.. To say the least..

I'm Just Saying....

A Vwery Vwery Serious Politician Makes A Statement

OK OK.. So you have an issue with the clutch.. maybe its the brake.. NO!!! You just gotta be an arsehole and try and git away???

This poor bastid is like a crazy man who we love to watch.. Thrust and ram.. I can git away in the rubble of the wall. I know I can do it!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Thrust and ram..

Thrust and ram..

Thrust and ram..

Uh.. I didn't get a rise from it..

BUT IT'S STILL GOOD!!!!

A Thrust and Ram is good for me.. Seriously.. I had some ooh and aahs over it and I think I had and an O from the whole tink..








I'm Just Saying..

Grey Gardens Promo

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (if you watch Housewives of Orange County, It was a Vicky Woooo)

I have been waiting for this movie to come out! It's actually an HBO movie so you gotta subscribe to get it. Fortunately I do and can't wait. It will air on April 18 at 8:00 pm.

I have seen all the documentaries and read everything I could get my hands on. If you have netflix or Blockbuster online, you can order it from there to compare or just buy it!.

The documentary is totally fascinating and gives you a voyeuristic view into their life.

Below is a YouTube Promo and here is a link for the HBO information.

Also a link with some excerpts from the documentary.

The movie stars Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange and actually looks good. Please please see the documentaries first.

This Is Why You're FAT!!

BBAAARRRRRFFFF!!!!!!! Yes peeps.. more of "This Is Why You Are Fat" and ITS YOUR FAULT!!! Above is not a simple cake.. look closer.. ITS A FRIGGIN MEATLOAF CAKE!!!

Hold on.. BRB.. I gotta barf... OK back.

I am assuming that white stuff is mashed potatoes and I just had some for dinner and now it came back up. Not as good coming up and it is going down.. Believe you me.

Go Check out more gross food at their site and let me know if you have eaten any of it.

Wait.. even better, let me know if you ate any of that yuck AND contributed to the site AND got fat.

I'm just saying...

Kermit The Frog Can Lose His Job!!!

What the heck is it coming to when Sesame Street is being affected by the economy???

If life gets tough, we NEED all the crazy muppets on Sesame Street.

It has been reported that "Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit producer of "Sesame Street" and other kids' programs, is cutting about one-fifth of its work force because of the economic downturn.

The New York-based company said Wednesday that it's eliminating 67 of 355 staff positions."

What the heck????

My grandsons are gonna kick some maja baby arse if they find out...

I'm just saying...

The Grass Is Always Greener....

Sometimes you can reach too far!

And when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of,

there is one thing you should always remember.......

Not everyone who shows up......



Is there to help you!!!!





I'm Just saying....

Your Chance to Beat The Heck Outta Chris Brown!

Some really creative peeps came up with Interactive YouTube Videos that is pretty cool in concept. I new that if you clicked on a running video it can take you to a new link if embedded, but this one is awesome..

Ch Ch Check it out...

What The Buck Show - On Britney, Twitter, and Sherry Shepard?

Britney Spears Vaginal Escape!!! Twilight - Twitter - American Idol & Daily Miley Puke!

Ch Ch Check it out!

Cell Phones Can Pop Popcorn?

HOLY POPCORN PEEPS!!!

This lil tidbit below shows us just how dangerous or.. or... skeary cellphones can be to our body!!!

Not the popcorn peeps.. its delicious and nutritious... I can eat popcorn all day. The thing I hate most about popcorn is the friggin shell like matter that gets stuck in between your teeth. You can dig all you want but somehow it has to come out naturally. The other thing I hate is the smell. Its like cigarettes and takes for ever to go away. I had a friend who had to have a bowl every night just to have a normal bowel movement. Well that's what she told me so I wouldn't be so offended by the smell on her 24 x 7. She wasn't really a friend but a co-worker who I imagined wouldn't be so pleasant if she had her daily routine out of whack.. Me.. I just need a cup of tea and I am good to go!!!

Okies Okies.. I DIGRESSED!!!!

I think I may plan on using either the blue tooth or speaker phone from now on..

And to think we are buying phones for our kids...

I'm just saying...

Pop Corn téléphone portable micro-ondes
Uploaded by sassiere

America Has Serious Talent By The Way Of Russian Performers!

This is a pretty cool tidbit for acrobats or for peeps who want to see peeps fall hard and spilt thier heads open.. You be the judge..

What The Buck Show

A New Episode for your viewing pleasure..

Bud Lights Real Men

Thought Of The Day..

This Week In Cartoons

Bad Waxing Job Gone Terribly Wrong

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet..' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees ('Cold wax,' yeah.. Right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS!

Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.....

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out..must stay conscious.. must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???? Breathe, breathe OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX????

Slyly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.. It's not!! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... I remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub..in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of t he tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha? She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!! RIGHT!!!! I should be the joke of someone’s night!
While we go through the various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace..the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!!! It works!!!!'
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.. THE HAIR IS STILL THERE..ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color!

My Grandbaby Told Me "I Am Gonna Kick Your Ass!!"

Ok the posting is outrageous enough. I hear you. This lovely child of 2.5 years old told me.. "I am gonna kick your ass grandma"

Now I was totally taken back.. had to think hard then asked the poor baby .. "What did you say?"

"Grandwa.. I gonna kick ur ass"

Originally, he wanted soup, I didnt make any soup so I opened a can. Heated it up, drained the liquids cause kids can't sip the liquids without making a mess... and I am not into cleaning up a huge mess that can be prevented.. Okay.. so I set down the soup.. the super baby loves it and starts eating.. I sit next to him and watch him which he just loves the company. He gets all sweet and happy that he has company while he is eating and he so lovingly tells me.. "grandwa.. I gonna kick your ass" OMG!! Who taught this baby such blasphamy!!! So I call in my Mr Man.. "The baby said this.. So he tells the baby.. "I am gonna kick your ass" THe baby says... "Pappy! I am gonna kick UR ass" OMG!!! There is no turning back!!!

Finally I yelled to my son.. "KYLE!!! GIT IN HERE!!!!!" Yeah the same Kyle who sung to me.. "Kyles mom is a bitch bitch bitch" see a few post's below.

This is my sweet Patrick before he learned to talk and looking at him.. I had no idea I would ever hear those words..





I'm just saying...

What The Buck Show - I Am Obsessed!!!

I am so obsessed with this guy. He just tells it like it is and I just want more. Fortunately for me.. he is the gift that keeps on giving!! He got all the latest and greatest of the past week and in his words.. its all fun and games to the peeps who love the entertainment!

Ch Ch Check it out!

Internet Drums Folks!!! FANTASTIC!!

WOW PEEPS!! I finally have something that can be shared with your entire family. Took me awhile but most of my material is not for the kiddies and I can't help it. My fingers got turrets and there is no cure.

Below is a really cool website that allows you to kick out some licks in a burning solo.

Start by just typing your name. Type words with double consonants which make for cool licks.

Break it on down cool cat's.

Warning - Make sure you don't finger zinger (play too fast) or you will miss some of the notes.

HOLY OCTO MOM Giving Birth Video!!

Holy Crap.. new rumors of Oct Mom selling her birthing of 8 sweet wee babies in now up for sale!!! I guess a girl gotta pay the rent but HOLY MOLY!!! who wants all that kind of business out there for the world to see?? The last thing I wanted was ANYONE to see me all sweaty and grunting like a baboon and swearing like a sailor in the most uncomfortable and undesirable looking position to hit the Internet or worse... MAIN STREAM MEDIA TO OBSERVE, and tell me how fat my thighs looks.. SERIOUSLY!!! My mama jugs would so be going east and west and forget about the stretch marks!!! That vision alone can burn a hole through your brain!

I do not think this is a good move on anyone parts.. the participant and mostly the viewer.

Stuff like this causes cancer to the eye..

I'm just saying...